Tuesday, 20 July 2010


I'm not sure but I think I have an attention deficit disorder. I see the inside of my brain as a bag of Rowntree Randoms with a compulsive urge to call people monkey face. This is difficult for me as I like things to be tidy and in rows and random doesn't fit in my brain. In the house it's different as I can stack things neatly and can walk away and in most cases come back and they are just how I left them. I say in most cases as I live in a house with two people who have Autism neither of whom have the stacking neatly in rows part! Numbers are important too, I'm not keen on odd numbers. When I wash my hands at work I have to dry them with six sheets of paper towel. I've tried less but it doesn't work and I have to sneak extra ones as if someone is watching me, checking. The stereo/TV volume has to be on an even number, my kids try and wind me up by putting it on an even number but I pretend it doesn't matter then change it when they aren't looking.


I've been distracted and am talking about my obsessive-compulsiveness not my attentionlessness. I spend a lot of time on my own at work, by the nature of the job not because I smell and everyone hates me I must add. I have plenty of time to think and I have great plans during this time, ideas to revolutionise the world or at least a 3 and a half mile radius round my house. My house is number 17 by the way and it isn't a problem that it's an odd number.


So I have these ideas like the bicycle rickshaws instead of taxis idea I had ages ago, did nothing and now the bloody things are popping up all over the place. The problem with that idea was when I first thought of it it was positioned in my brain next to the monkey butlers and consequently the rickshaws had to be ridden by monkeys dressed in dinner jackets. When I said the idea out loud it had its own merits but was a bit unworkable. I had other ideas like the i-pad but that had Pirate issues and was more of an i-patch and came with a free parrot. "Pieces of eight!" Parrots also have even number issues so are okay in my book! Bluetooth was my idea too but that somehow got mixed up with Hollywood and ended up as a dentist porno!

But now I have a new idea! I want to share it with you all and I will as soon as I work out the teething problems and can keep it away from the rubber duck and the plastic saxophone.

Watch this space! Well not this space exactly because that would be stupid and would drive you mental after a few hours. I'll tell you when.

Friday, 9 July 2010

#3 son is a vampire

It's been a bit of an odd week though to have an odd week in this house is quite usual so does two odds make a normal and if so then we had a normal week which is odd which in turn is quite normal. Mmm I'm confused and have lost my train of thought! I keep telling myself not to write the first thing that comes into my head though who would win out of a giant mullet and killer tortoise might have made more sense.
#3 son is a vampire and his vampire friends come round to his room for a secret meeting everyday. Toby is one of them. George might be one too! There is a secret passage into the garden where there is a chest full of money which he used to buy his three screen TV (which has everything on it). He would give me some of his money but it's invisible so quite hard to spend. He doesn't drink blood you know and cant turn into a bat, he's not that type of vampire. Girls aren't allowed in the meetings apart from his mum and Ruby his other mum.
I better go and get him from school, he must be hungry though he doesn't seem keen on garlic at the moment!

Sunday, 4 July 2010

I need answers!

I like to answer the bee questions, it's a bit of fun and you make friends. This saves me from latching on to random strangers in the street and following them home. Sometimes they tell the police I'm not their friend and this can become embarrassing.
One thing though, it would be cool if I knew the answer people gave to the bees as I have some questions I would really like the answer to.
Here's a couple; when buying a book on the Internet would you rather have free postage or a discount and pay for the postage? If you knew someone selling something you wanted would you buy it from them even if you had to pay slightly more than if you bought it from a large retailer?
I have an idea in my head that won't go away and I have hundreds of bloody questions but I will stick with these two for the moment. Anyone who has an opinion please leave a comment.Ta!