Tuesday, 20 July 2010


I'm not sure but I think I have an attention deficit disorder. I see the inside of my brain as a bag of Rowntree Randoms with a compulsive urge to call people monkey face. This is difficult for me as I like things to be tidy and in rows and random doesn't fit in my brain. In the house it's different as I can stack things neatly and can walk away and in most cases come back and they are just how I left them. I say in most cases as I live in a house with two people who have Autism neither of whom have the stacking neatly in rows part! Numbers are important too, I'm not keen on odd numbers. When I wash my hands at work I have to dry them with six sheets of paper towel. I've tried less but it doesn't work and I have to sneak extra ones as if someone is watching me, checking. The stereo/TV volume has to be on an even number, my kids try and wind me up by putting it on an even number but I pretend it doesn't matter then change it when they aren't looking.


I've been distracted and am talking about my obsessive-compulsiveness not my attentionlessness. I spend a lot of time on my own at work, by the nature of the job not because I smell and everyone hates me I must add. I have plenty of time to think and I have great plans during this time, ideas to revolutionise the world or at least a 3 and a half mile radius round my house. My house is number 17 by the way and it isn't a problem that it's an odd number.


So I have these ideas like the bicycle rickshaws instead of taxis idea I had ages ago, did nothing and now the bloody things are popping up all over the place. The problem with that idea was when I first thought of it it was positioned in my brain next to the monkey butlers and consequently the rickshaws had to be ridden by monkeys dressed in dinner jackets. When I said the idea out loud it had its own merits but was a bit unworkable. I had other ideas like the i-pad but that had Pirate issues and was more of an i-patch and came with a free parrot. "Pieces of eight!" Parrots also have even number issues so are okay in my book! Bluetooth was my idea too but that somehow got mixed up with Hollywood and ended up as a dentist porno!

But now I have a new idea! I want to share it with you all and I will as soon as I work out the teething problems and can keep it away from the rubber duck and the plastic saxophone.

Watch this space! Well not this space exactly because that would be stupid and would drive you mental after a few hours. I'll tell you when.

1 comment:

DJ Kirkby said...

Oh dear. I laughed so hard that I am wiping tears from my eyes! Grumplestiltskin is meowing at me anxiously 'cos he thinks something is wrong. You described you (and us) perfectly. I had no idea we were so amusing. Hey, we may not be stackers but at least we leave your neat stacks alone. Mostly...
p.s. word verification is - fitiot *snerk*