Wednesday, 29 April 2009

A pot to piss in?

I took #3 son to the doctors today, he moved surgery to one nearer home and more convenient. He had to take a sample so did a wee in a small jar which I carried to school to get him then on to the doctors. Well, everyone says I always take the piss and today they would be right!

We were 2 minutes late and so were made to wait half an hour as a form of penance so I was determined to get my own back. When we finally got in to see the nurse she weighed him, measured him and then asked for the sample which I duly handed over. She opened it, stuck a multi-coloured piece of paper in it then tipped it away. As she took the jar and dropped it in the bin I exclaimed NOOO! I explained to her that I needed the jar for work in the morning to put my milk in. The colour drained from her face and it wasn't until she had hooked it out the bin that she realised I was taking the piss (again).

I don't think we'll be kept waiting there again. Or maybe we will!!

Friday, 24 April 2009


My blogging has been a bit lack lustre lately but as I'm off work today and having a rest between chores I thought I might regale you with something that happened last night.

I went to a function last night, part of which was a sit down three course meal. I had the unenviable honour of sitting at the top table next to the most distinguished guest. He was a very nice man and laughed along in all the right places in my humorous ditties. Then out came the food.

The first course was a bowl of broccoli soup and we both tucked in. Now etiquette probably isn't my strong point but I do know with cutlery one works ones way from the outside in. I was halfway through my soup when I noticed my soup spoon was still on the table. I glanced at my bowl, fuck I was using my dessert spoon, how did that happen? The distinguished guest was using his soup spoon and I didn't think he'd noticed my indiscretion. Unfortunately the spoon seemed to be growing on the table and flashing Morse code that said "look at me I'm still here Numpty is using the wrong spoon!".

I had a plan!

I unfolded my napkin into my lap then licked as much soup as I could off of the spoon then I snuck it onto my napkin. So far so good until while wiping it off I noticed the DG was watching me intensely. I looked into his eyes and smiled and could see a knowing look of pity as he smiled back.

I finished my soup with the correct spoon but the damage was done, my big chance to impress all but gone. The worst part of the whole thing was I didn't even need my dessert spoon for the dessert as it was cheesecake and I used a fork.

Damn! Was it the right fork!

Thursday, 16 April 2009

I need inspiration!!!

I've been neglecting the blog for a while. I came on with good intentions of writing something. Couldn't think of anything pertinent so...