Tuesday, 28 October 2008

True or False?

Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27 year old white male, resident of White Plains, NY, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38pm Monday. Davidson will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency,and public intoxication at the County courthouse on Friday.

The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't" he stated in a phone interview from the County courthouse jail. Davidson went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need"."I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process, Davidson apparently failed to notice the White Plains police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure" said officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Davidson) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin."Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Davidson. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He got real surprised, as you'd expect, and then looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin!? Damn...is it midnight already?'"

I hope this wasn't the pumpkin in question!

Friday, 24 October 2008

Hanging with the ladies.

It's not been the best week this week and I was going to bemoan the fact here with such interesting topics as: work, the weather, stairs, tiredness, sore legs etc etc...

...but I wont!

This week I've been hanging out with the ladies on Tom Foolery's blog (I think Tom is a lady as she left a x on my comment). I entered a competition where you had to write a short story, no more than 30 sentences, based around 3 photographs. I won a prize! We all won a prize but more importantly I won a prize.

It's a personalised picture and looks very nice. It is a shame that I never win anything very manly but hey if you write smut in the guise of a woman what the hell do you expect?

PS Casdok did the judging on DJ's wordless Wednesday and I still got a mention all you people who reckon I sleep my way to the prize!

PPS Off to polish my trumpet!

Tuesday, 21 October 2008

We have Rednecks in our street!

Last night Channel 4 weather said no rain until Thursday.


Sorry, I'm getting a bit ahead of myself here because I want someone to blame and Channel 4 will do for a start.


We got an offer from the local water board for a free water butt. We accepted not because it was free and I am (not sure of the right word) frugal (that will do) but because we care for the environment. Discounting the fact it is plastic, burnt a hole in the ozone being fabricated and will never bio-degrade it was a good thing to do. Maybe?

The water board offered to fit it free. We frugally accepted this offer too, though worried about their carbon footprint they gave you a slot and if you weren't in when they called, tough! We weren't in. No worries, there are instructions so I will frugally do it.

I did!

Unfortunately when I sawed off the drainpipe I must have loosened the joint at the top because yesterday I found part of the gutter in the garden.

Get up your ladder I hear you say. I did this also but the thing isn't or I'm not long enough. But never mind because Channel 4 weather said "NO RAIN UNTIL THURSDAY".

Last night I was woken by the "not rain". Instead of the rain gently washing off the roof, quietly running along the gutter, down the drainpipe and silently filling the water butt it poured off the roof and onto the patio like fucking Niagara Falls!

I could hear it. I shut the bathroom window and still could hear it. The neighbours must have heard it.

So what now? I could get it mended or go the whole hog, dump a mattress in the front garden next to the ASDA trolley full of weeds throw a few Christmas lights (Caroline Smailes) at the front of the house and leave them up all year.

We've got Rednecks in our street. Us!

Sunday, 19 October 2008


I was supposed to be doing something I was tagged to do today but have been distracted sorry hon but I got the final draft of my cover today and here it is...

I'm really pleased with it and would like to thank Anthony for all his time and effort.

Sunday, 12 October 2008

An Explanation?

Okay. The last post was a bit vague so I'll try to explain a bit better here.

I wrote a novel then put it away. I re-wrote it and put it away again. I tried to post excerpts on a blog. Stopped. Re-wrote it again.

Now the book is to be published. Hopefully it will be on sale by Christmas.

Originally I wasn't interested in the cover, the publisher could get on and do all that. Then I changed my mind. I'd come across a couple of pictures I liked and I bought them. I liked the pictures but they didn't fill the criteria the publisher requested and then I realized that they were not fit for purpose. That is until a very nice man called Anthony sorted them out for me. Thanks Anthony!

The front cover isn't finished yet but the back one is....but blogger wont let me download it!!?

Anyway, I hope that makes the last post a little clearer.

Monday, 6 October 2008

Yeah I know it's been a long time!!

Yesterday I purchased two pictures off a site on the Internet. We whiled (is that a real word) many an hour choosing the right ones. The first was a picture of a car driving down an asphalt road with snow covered verges and the other an apple core. We were pleased with the purchases! They were the right dpi (does it sound like I know what I'm talking about?) and I managed to make them exactly the required size. I went to bed happy in the knowledge that everything was looking good.

but, I had a nagging doubt that was still there when I woke and kept me awake!

By lunchtime today all my fears were confirmed. DAMN!

So if anyone is on the lookout for a picture of an apple core or a car on... you know where to come. Only four credits each!