Tomorrow I'm getting married! I've spent most of this week washing and ironing (I know I'm going to screw everything up into a suitcase) everything I'm going need while we are away. Today I was checking through to double check everything for the hundredth time and I noticed my shorts were missing. I have a favourite pair, they are blue, comfortable and have lots of pockets that fasten shut so I don't lose all my stuff the moment I sit down.
Where the hell were they?
I looked everywhere at least twice and they were nowhere to be found. I knew I'd washed them because I'd put them in with my jeans (I'd learnt my lesson about mixing colours and whites and turning all her underwear grey!).
I stood for a while looking out of #3 sons bedroom window contemplating the situation, how was I going to get married without my blue shorts? Then I noticed in the neighbours garden a pair of blue shorts that looked just like mine. I raced downstairs and peered over the fence, they were mine, hallelujah! They must have blown off the washing line and into his garden.
I went next door and he wasn't in, bollocks!
I could wait for him to come back but sometimes he isn't around for days. The other option was to climb over the fence and get them myself. The problem with this plan is most of the fence is six foot high and not the most solid thing in the world. Part of it though is four foot tall on top of a two foot wall, this is where I would scale it!
I stood on the wall and tried to throw my leg over, not a chance! Unperturbed I went to the shed for a step ladder, climbed that then swung my leg over. Success! It was a bit of a stretch but I was over and quickly retrieved my shorts, now to get back. I reached over and lifted the ladder into his garden then scaled it swung my leg over the fence and knocked over the ladder. I wasn't worried about that as I'd be able to snag it with something and get it back. What I was worried about though was my leg that was over the fence couldn't quite reach the wall and my trailing leg couldn't squeeze past the fence post which on the return journey was quite a bit proud of the fence.
Fuck I was stuck!!
No time to panic because the fence panel was creaking like a bastard and wasn't long for this life and if it broke neither was I. I flung the shorts into the garden then tried to grab my foot and pull it free from the post and at the same time lower myself down. It wouldn't go! So I gave one huge pull and found myself in a pile on the patio and apart from a cut on my knee no irreparable damage.
I picked up my shorts, gave them a quick hug and chucked them in the washing machine. The only thing is it's pouring with rain now and I'm never going to get them dry by tomorrow!