Sunday, 1 March 2009

Caroline Smailes (THE interview)

Caroline Smailes is a busy lady; mother of three, novelist (Black Boxes is now available in paperback), blogger and part of the brains behind BubbleCow. Never-the-less I managed to take time out of my hectic schedule to interview her and ask some of the questions other interviewers have been afraid to ask.

We were going to sit down to tea and cakes but Caroline had eaten them all. I sipped on my tea and asked these pertinent questions:

Caroline, do you think blonde's have more fun?
C: Oh my, young man! Are you suggesting that all people with blonde hair are slappers?

I understand you are against the over use of exclamation marks in writing!! I have trouble with my colon! How do you feel about colon usage?
C: I would have to inspect your colon usage to answer that question fully.

Does it make more sense to leave the heating on all day on a moderate heat or have it on a timer?
C: Would drinking whisky make these questions easier to answer?

I understand you have a vendetta against the Mr Men, which one do you hate the most?
C: Mr Tickle. His arms scare me and his hat is ridiculously small.

Is any particular font important to you or do you just use the nearest church?
C: I use the nearest church.

Why don't you own a tortoise?
C: Because I haven't stolen yours, yet.

I understand you have issues with Simon Cowell. Your name just happens to be an anagram of: E, I sell Simon a car! Did he rip you off, is that why you stalk him?
C: Simon loves me, you're just jealous because he doesn't love you. Although, your anagram skills are strangely enticing...

One year at Christmas I wanted the board game Escape from Colditz Castle , there were two versions of the game and I got the wrong one. This has affected me all my life, has your life ever been adversely affected by a board game?
C: I was once became a little bit obsessed with the top hat in Monopoly.

I don't want to harp on about punctuation but, the full stop. Do you think it's important to drive with the hand-brake on or off?
C: I am seriously starting to dislike you. I may even ban you from reading my blog!

Do you or any of you friends happen to know Louis Walsh?
C: Alas no, but I worry about Louis in the middle of the night. It must be damaging to always play Robin to Simon's Batman.

So, there you have it everything you never wanted to know about Mrs Smailes. By the way her book is on a 3 for 2 in Waterstones!


DJ Kirkby said...

You are both mad, quite mad...I like it.

Megan said...

Love this.
Though have to say that Mr Tickle's hat is perfect as it is

trousers said...

Fantastic, most enjoyable.

These are the things we all needed to know about Caroline :)

Troy said...

A quite enlightening post however you haven't answered what puzzles me most - what does the verb to smaile mean. It is pointless knowing that Caroline smailes without a definition of the verb.

Chopper said...

DJ; Mad? How very dare you!

M; Thank you. I can't help thinking Mr Tickle's hat is some kind of inuendo!

T; Thanks but I think she lied on a few!

Troy; Smaile is a Puritan derivative of mail and therefore to smailes is to post and Caroline must be a postman.

Carol and Chris said...

This is by far her best interview to date!! Well done Chopper :-)

C x

Chopper said...

C+C; Thanks, I had fun doing it!

nitebyrd said...

She's a very funny lady! I enjoyed this interview although I missed some of the references being American and all. Still, excellent interview

Indigo said...

You're on my par with craziness...people used to call me Raver...! I am and am proud of it... bein crazy that is... I love your words, your wit, humour. You're a very funny man.