Thursday, 20 November 2008


On the way to pick up #3 son from school I decided to empty our box full of jars and bottles in the garden and take them for recycling. I wanted to empty the box and was rather over zealous with the amount I crammed into the large carrier bag. Never-the-less I picked up the bag, grabbed his scooter and left the house. It was about halfway across the zebra crossing that the handle on the bag started to break! Managing to get to the other side of the road without smashing anything I had to sling the scooter over my shoulder and carry the bag in two arms as if I was carrying a baby. This is when I noticed that there was a small hole in the bag. A small hole that all the excess liquid from the bottles was using as an escape hatch, the escape hatch that was now next to my sweatshirt.

To try and distract myself from impending disaster I looked in the shop windows as I hurried past and was amazed to see some of their great offers.

In the greengrocers they were now selling 'eating' plums. Now I much prefer 'eating' plums to the ones you bring home, leave in the fruit bowl for show then throw out before they get rotten.

In the clothes store they were selling 'ladies' tights. Now is it just me or is there any other kind? Surely men who wear tights wear 'ladies' tights don't they?

In the hairdressers they had a 'walk in service, no appointment always required'. Now call me old fashioned but when I have a haircut (I did today as it happens) I always walk inside for a haircut. I don't really see much of an alternative unless I got someone to scalp me and sent the top of my skull in by special delivery.

My brain was wandering now but not to far to notice my chest was getting cold and wet and when I finally got to the bottle bank I had a lovely stain up my front. A lovely stain that smelt like the old boy sat on the steps outside the library begging for 'a couple of quid mister'.

I decide when I get to school that I'm going to stand as far away from everyone as possible so no-one can smell me.


The gate into the school hadn't been unlocked and I found myself in the middle of a load of mums sniffing and pointing. There was really no point in protesting my innocence as I have now been tarred with some old alcoholics brush so tomorrow before the school run I'm having a pint of ale with a whisky chaser!


DJ Kirkby said...

Don't you dare!The mums think we (or perhaps just me) are wierd enough already.


LOL! a pint of ale with a whisky chaser! Don't forget a packet of Cheese and Onion crisps as well. TFX

Trixie said...

I used to always laugh at the sign outside a hairdressers back in Oz...

Earpiercing while you wait.

Ummm...what are you suppose to do? Leave your ears behind???

East Anglian Troy said...

One shop had a sign...

Our credit manager is Helen Waite. You want credit? Go to Helen Waite.

Chopper said...

DJ; We don't have much whisky left..........hic!

TF; Scampi niknaks!

T; Leave them with us and we'll call you when they're done! Pardon?

EAT; My managers name must be Helen Back because I've been to Helen Back a few times since I've been there!

Kahless said...


Why dont you use a barbers, you softie southerner!

Oh, we beat the Germans hehehe and I WAS there!

DJ Kirkby said...

I've tagged you. Play along and I might not tag you again...then again it might just encourage me!

Chopper said...

K; I'm a northener who moved south and I go to the barbers, a barber who is grumpy and won't talk to me while I have my hair cut, just how I like it!
I watched the game on tv, didn't see you though think I could hear you!


nitebyrd said...

IMO, having a pint & chaser might not be such a bad idea when you're in a school yard.