Monday, 17 November 2008

Oddfellows

I think I'm a magnet for some of the stranger members of our society, either that or it's the uniform. The uniform probably does have something to do with it because 'Joe Public' thinks if they spend a few pence on a stamp they own my soul. Its obvious from the fact they don't know me but still have a pet name for me like 'Postie' or 'Pat' or if I don't deliver their Giro 'Useless Cocksucker'.

Today a young lad (late teens?) walked up to me and asked me where the nearest post box was. Now it being my first day on the delivery and having not got my bearings yet I had no idea and told this to you young lad. He looked at me like I was an idiot but said nothing then he turned on his heels and ran away from me until he got to the end of the street where he stopped and carried on walking as if nothing had happened.

This was definitely odd behaviour, well it was to me but not as odd as the elderly gentleman who stopped to talk to me as I was entering my house. By the time I get to my front door I like to think I'm safe but not today. I was chaining up my bicycle when the old boy walked up to me and started to fondle my saddle. Not a normal occurrence but hey, each to their own! I have a gel saddle apparently (he seemed to be some kind of expert) it was a spare one DJ had in the shed (no I don't know why she had a spare saddle either) and I put it on when mine split. This is when the old boy started telling me that he'd been looking at all different sorts of saddles because he was worried that the one on his bike was too hard and was damaging the tube that ran from the end of his penis.

Now he'd need to spend more than a first class stamp to keep me there listening to that so I left him admiring my saddle hoping he'd be gone before I had to do the school run!

9 comments:

TOM FOOLERY said...

LOL! Did you take him for a ride? TFX

Lady in red said...

so can anyone ask for a feel of your saddle?

Trixie said...

First one...was probably on drugs..and you FREAKED him out by not knowing where the mail box was...like come on...your the postie!!!!

Second..ummm...do you live near a looney bin...and the old guy escaped?

DJ Kirkby said...

Lol...OMG I know which old man you are talking about! His wife is even more 'colourful' than he is and I am amazed that this is your first 'serious' encounter with them since we moved here. They make me look normal! Oh and Trixie, I actually work in what was once a loony bin, (no joke) and it is within cycling distance of home.

East Anglian Troy said...

In a situation like this I think I would have looked at him with a very serious face and asked something like "do you find the speed bumps jolt your brain?".

When you do this technique well they can't tell if you are being serious or taking the piss - it quite throws them!

nitebyrd said...

LOL! Although he was giving you WAY too much information, he does have a valid worry. Best take care or he might fondle your lovely gel saddle right off your bike!

Joe Stein said...

So you’re annoyed by this are you?
I guess that makes you saddle-sore...

Chopper said...

TF; I think he took me for a ride!

L in R; Its out the front of the house so help yourself.

DJ; Not that you were much bloody help when he accosted me!

EAT; He would probably have had an answer which would have kept me there forever!

N; I think he probably exercised the pipe at the end of his penis quite a lot in a dark room on his own!

Chopper said...

JS; You snuck in there with that quip. I wasn't annoyed I just think a bike saddle isn't something to be sniffed at!