Tuesday, 21 October 2008

We have Rednecks in our street!

Last night Channel 4 weather said no rain until Thursday.

Wait!

Sorry, I'm getting a bit ahead of myself here because I want someone to blame and Channel 4 will do for a start.

Rewind...

We got an offer from the local water board for a free water butt. We accepted not because it was free and I am (not sure of the right word) frugal (that will do) but because we care for the environment. Discounting the fact it is plastic, burnt a hole in the ozone being fabricated and will never bio-degrade it was a good thing to do. Maybe?

The water board offered to fit it free. We frugally accepted this offer too, though worried about their carbon footprint they gave you a slot and if you weren't in when they called, tough! We weren't in. No worries, there are instructions so I will frugally do it.

I did!

Unfortunately when I sawed off the drainpipe I must have loosened the joint at the top because yesterday I found part of the gutter in the garden.

Get up your ladder I hear you say. I did this also but the thing isn't or I'm not long enough. But never mind because Channel 4 weather said "NO RAIN UNTIL THURSDAY".

Last night I was woken by the "not rain". Instead of the rain gently washing off the roof, quietly running along the gutter, down the drainpipe and silently filling the water butt it poured off the roof and onto the patio like fucking Niagara Falls!

I could hear it. I shut the bathroom window and still could hear it. The neighbours must have heard it.

So what now? I could get it mended or go the whole hog, dump a mattress in the front garden next to the ASDA trolley full of weeds throw a few Christmas lights (Caroline Smailes) at the front of the house and leave them up all year.

We've got Rednecks in our street. Us!

10 comments:

DJ Kirkby said...

Lack of sleep is detrimental to your emotional well being...if I see any of the mentioned items in our front garden you will be off my Christmas card list! Do I need to repeat myself? You know how good I am at that...

TOM FOOLERY said...

Chopper, I know I should'nt laugh but sod it I did. Your story reminds me of the washer we changed on our tap. After feeling smug about how easy it was to change the washer, we done up the tap connection too tight, tap broke, water poured, swear words shouted, plumber called - costing us £200 quid to put the tap right. Ouch! :O TFx

Kahless said...

By your definition I am a red-neck with the crap I have out front.

Better get fixing soon if you want a christmas card from DJ. Though you have plenty of time as you can extend the last posting day surely.

nitebyrd said...

You must put a sofa on the front porch next to the washing machine to be a real redneck. I doubt DJ will want those either.

What is a "water butt?"

Chopper said...

DJ; Why do you have to mention the 'C' word?

TF; I am nervous about getting an 'expert' in, after all the horror stories you see on tv. Surely I can do it just as well with my DIY manual?

K; Don't you start with the 'C' word as well!

N; She'll adjust!
A water-butt is a barrel that collects water from the roof so you can use it to water the garden.
Our water-butt is an empty barrel next to a puddle of water!

Joe Stein said...

Chopper, you have to keep going with the DIY. As I always say to my missus, 'if it's worth fixing, it's worth fixing at least six times until I get it right'!

Chopper said...

JS; Have you got a ladder?

Monique said...

Oh so funny!!

Comments too!!

Chopper said...

M; Where I'm working this week the houses without mattresses outside the front of the house look out of place!

East Anglian Troy said...

Just reading your blog for the first time and felt I had to comment here.

I think you should phone the water company and tell them "to get your butt out my garden". (Which actually sounds quite a redneck thing to say).