A letter to myself!

Vi asked me to write a letter to myself when I was 13 years old so here it is:

Hey!

This is a letter from you in 31 years time.

I took a while before making up my mind what I was going to write because I don't want to influence your future choices too much. Not that I wouldn't like to tell you what to do and which direction to take but would you listen and if you did would it improve your lot? I don't know so I've decided just to tell you a few things that might help you a little but not drastically change your future path!

• The woman in the black raincoat and red scarf is a store detective.
• Stay away from Beta max.
• Don't try and understand women. All you need to know is men are from Mars, women are from Venus; think any deeper and you'll end up with your head up Uranus.
• Johnny Mathis is gay (gay is the word we use now for poof).
• However many times you use that pump it's not going to get any bigger!
• When someone suggests you break into a local tourist attraction don't, it's a lot of hassle and there is no money!
• Don't go and see 'Rosie Dixon night-nurse' until you are 18. The movie is crap and the court case is embarrassing.
• Under your pillow is not a good place for 'that' handkerchief.
• Long hair is not a good look and the pictures get hauled out often.
• Magic mushrooms are much better dried and not swallowed like oysters.
• When you are laying on the floor in a fight make sure you cover your face with your arms because a kick in the mouth smarts!
• Being sick on women doesn't get you laid!
• Nylon underpants are not good for you however funny the picture and caption on the front of them is.
• Bleach wont wash out.

I'm sure there are loads more but there are few to be getting on with. If I think of more and I get a chance I'll drop you another line. I'd say be good and be careful but I know I'd be wasting my time!

PS; When the ball goes on the roof don't climb up the drainpipe as it will come away from the wall and your arm will break in two places!