Sunday, 13 January 2008

A letter to myself!

Vi asked me to write a letter to myself when I was 13 years old so here it is:


This is a letter from you in 31 years time.

I took a while before making up my mind what I was going to write because I don't want to influence your future choices too much. Not that I wouldn't like to tell you what to do and which direction to take but would you listen and if you did would it improve your lot? I don't know so I've decided just to tell you a few things that might help you a little but not drastically change your future path!

  • The woman in the black raincoat and red scarf is a store detective.
  • Stay away from Beta max.
  • Don't try and understand women. All you need to know is men are from Mars, women are from Venus; think any deeper and you'll end up with your head up Uranus.
  • Johnny Mathis is gay (gay is the word we use now for poof).
  • However many times you use that pump it's not going to get any bigger!
  • When someone suggests you break into a local tourist attraction don't, it's a lot of hassle and there is no money!
  • Don't go and see 'Rosie Dixon night-nurse' until you are 18. The movie is crap and the court case is embarrassing.
  • Under your pillow is not a good place for 'that' handkerchief.
  • Long hair is not a good look and the pictures get hauled out often.
  • Magic mushrooms are much better dried and not swallowed like oysters.
  • When you are laying on the floor in a fight make sure you cover your face with your arms because a kick in the mouth smarts!
  • Being sick on women doesn't get you laid!
  • Nylon underpants are not good for you however funny the picture and caption on the front of them is.
  • Bleach wont wash out.

I'm sure there are loads more but there are few to be getting on with. If I think of more and I get a chance I'll drop you another line. I'd say be good and be careful but I know I'd be wasting my time!

PS; When the ball goes on the roof don't climb up the drainpipe as it will come away from the wall and your arm will break in two places!


DJ Kirkby said...

Lolololol...very good!

Casdok said...

You do make me laugh!
And im sure your 13 year old self would have laughed to getting such advice!!

nitebyrd said...

I believe that's a very practical letter. Good advice.

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

hehehehehehehe!!!! I knew you wouldn't let me down!

Pixie said...

and would you have taken any notice... no!