Sunday, 13 January 2008

A letter to myself!

Vi asked me to write a letter to myself when I was 13 years old so here it is:

Hey!

This is a letter from you in 31 years time.

I took a while before making up my mind what I was going to write because I don't want to influence your future choices too much. Not that I wouldn't like to tell you what to do and which direction to take but would you listen and if you did would it improve your lot? I don't know so I've decided just to tell you a few things that might help you a little but not drastically change your future path!

  • The woman in the black raincoat and red scarf is a store detective.
  • Stay away from Beta max.
  • Don't try and understand women. All you need to know is men are from Mars, women are from Venus; think any deeper and you'll end up with your head up Uranus.
  • Johnny Mathis is gay (gay is the word we use now for poof).
  • However many times you use that pump it's not going to get any bigger!
  • When someone suggests you break into a local tourist attraction don't, it's a lot of hassle and there is no money!
  • Don't go and see 'Rosie Dixon night-nurse' until you are 18. The movie is crap and the court case is embarrassing.
  • Under your pillow is not a good place for 'that' handkerchief.
  • Long hair is not a good look and the pictures get hauled out often.
  • Magic mushrooms are much better dried and not swallowed like oysters.
  • When you are laying on the floor in a fight make sure you cover your face with your arms because a kick in the mouth smarts!
  • Being sick on women doesn't get you laid!
  • Nylon underpants are not good for you however funny the picture and caption on the front of them is.
  • Bleach wont wash out.

I'm sure there are loads more but there are few to be getting on with. If I think of more and I get a chance I'll drop you another line. I'd say be good and be careful but I know I'd be wasting my time!

PS; When the ball goes on the roof don't climb up the drainpipe as it will come away from the wall and your arm will break in two places!

5 comments:

DJ Kirkby said...

Lolololol...very good!

Casdok said...

You do make me laugh!
And im sure your 13 year old self would have laughed to getting such advice!!

nitebyrd said...

I believe that's a very practical letter. Good advice.

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

hehehehehehehe!!!! I knew you wouldn't let me down!

Pixie said...

and would you have taken any notice... no!
px