Saturday, 2 June 2007

Not nice on an empty stomach (or anytime really!)

After reading yesterdays post by I was reminded of something that I had hoped was stored away in the darkest recesses of my mind never to see the light of day again!
A couple of years ago I used to deliver to houses in leafy suburbia and, on one particular day, was in a Close made up of twenty two bungalows. The bungalows were identical semis with a small walled garden and a short path up the side of the house which lead to the front door. The front doors were set back slightly giving a small porch and shelter from the rain. Not that it was raining on this day it was glorious in fact!
I had a parcel for number fourteen, I knew the owner, an elderly gentleman who was hard of hearing. I rang the bell and gave the door a hard knock to make sure he would hear me, no reply. I gave another hard knock, still nothing! He had a large plastic box in his porch which had a sign on it PAPERS PLEASE! so I thought I'd leave the parcel there. I dropped it in and was walking away when I heard.
"It's the postman, I've got a parcel for you." I replied.
"It's the postman!" a bit louder.
"I'm in the bath!" he said.
I looked down the side of the house towards the voice and could see a small window, about eight inches deep and at about my head height, he was trying to poke his head out.
"I've got a parcel!"
"I'm in the bath!"
Fuck! I thought then I did something very stupid, I walked towards him.
The tiny window wasn't the only one, directly underneath was a much larger one, the type with a pattern on to obscure the view. It wasn't fucking working! He may have once been in the bath but was now standing up in it. Standing up in it and pressing his soapy, naked body up against the not so obscure window!
Now if the guy had been sixty years younger, a lot fitter and I'd been a girl that might have been quite erotic and sexy but we weren't and it definitely wasn't! My brain was telling me to move but my legs weren't budging, it was like when you slow down to look at an accident. You don't want to but you have to! I forced myself to move!
"Yourparcelsintheboxbye!" I said without taking a breath, turned, ran and hurdled the garden gate!
Never walk towards the voice in the window, you never know what you may see!!


Delboy's Daughter said...

Ha now that's disturbing.
I'm sorry for making your poor brain recall such an incident!

Chopski said...

I saw him a couple of days later and wanted to say "I didn't recognise you with your clothes on" but didn't have the bollocks!!

Lainey-Paney said...

Good advice. I'll have to remember that...

Lady in red said...

sorry but ....this really made me laugh