Friday, 19 August 2011

I'm not scared of flying part 3

Everybody is now watered, fed, toileted and a calm permeates the cabin. It's about now that I try to settle down and watch a movie knowing in my heart it isn't going to happen. My tv never works properly, either the headphones are faulty, the screen freezes or both. If I do ever get the tv to work the only choice of movie that day will be Passenger 57 or Snakes on a Plane. Neither of which will get a viewing so in the end I watch the oversized airplane on the screen showing where we are, how fast we are going and how high up we are. I can sit there and formulate this information into how fast we will hit the ground and about where we will hit if the worst happens.

Around about the time I think I'm just getting used to this flying thing the pilot,or if he is busy eating caviar from the bellybutton of a stewardess, his second in command announces that we are about to begin the descent. De scent sounds like something you would use to get rid of a smell which I suppose would be apt around about now in my case.

Descending usually stirs up the hoards and the cabin becomes a hive of activity again. Bags down, up and down again as people search for their belongings so they can escape the plane as soon as it lands. Me, I just pull my belt a little tighter and search out for hands to grab. This is not so easy this time as the recently bruised appendages are usually hidden from view so as not to have the punishment inflicted for a second time. I can generally coax them from their hiding place with confectionary which I have saved especially for this occasion. When the under carriage goes down this scares the crap out of me and my neighbours wish they weren't so bloody greedy as their fingers begin to turn an angry shade of blue.

Then we are down. I can now return the rosary beads and the lucky rabbits foot I borrowed from the air steward and let go of the hands. It is about now that the captain makes an announcement somewhere on the lines of: "ladies and gentlemen the plane has now landed. Please keep your seatbelt fastened and stay in your seat until the plane has come to a halt. Also please do not turn on your mobile phone until you are in the doors are open. Thank you for..." I never get to hear the last bit of the annoucement as everybody is unbuckling their belt, getting out of their seat and turning on their phone.

The final part of the plane journey is nearly upon us and this is departing the plane. By the time the plane has halted and the steps are attached most of the passengers have crammed their way into the aisle and are deciding which door will open first and will that be the fastest way to exit. Me I'm still to unbuckle my belt and will probably be the last off the plane.

That's it all over until the flight home!

2 comments:

Troy said...

You made it! Well done!

Once when a plane I was in landed, the pilot came over the intercom "unfortunately we have no cleaners available to clean the aircraft. If you would like to volunteer to stay behind and clean the aircraft please stand up before we turn off the seatbelt sign". Very clever I thought.

Chopper said...

Troy, When we came back from Germany we couldn't get off the plane as the walkway was broken and the airport had run out of stairs.