Friday, 24 April 2009


My blogging has been a bit lack lustre lately but as I'm off work today and having a rest between chores I thought I might regale you with something that happened last night.

I went to a function last night, part of which was a sit down three course meal. I had the unenviable honour of sitting at the top table next to the most distinguished guest. He was a very nice man and laughed along in all the right places in my humorous ditties. Then out came the food.

The first course was a bowl of broccoli soup and we both tucked in. Now etiquette probably isn't my strong point but I do know with cutlery one works ones way from the outside in. I was halfway through my soup when I noticed my soup spoon was still on the table. I glanced at my bowl, fuck I was using my dessert spoon, how did that happen? The distinguished guest was using his soup spoon and I didn't think he'd noticed my indiscretion. Unfortunately the spoon seemed to be growing on the table and flashing Morse code that said "look at me I'm still here Numpty is using the wrong spoon!".

I had a plan!

I unfolded my napkin into my lap then licked as much soup as I could off of the spoon then I snuck it onto my napkin. So far so good until while wiping it off I noticed the DG was watching me intensely. I looked into his eyes and smiled and could see a knowing look of pity as he smiled back.

I finished my soup with the correct spoon but the damage was done, my big chance to impress all but gone. The worst part of the whole thing was I didn't even need my dessert spoon for the dessert as it was cheesecake and I used a fork.

Damn! Was it the right fork!


Joe Stein said...

Ah. Classic! Maybe he thought you were nicking the spoon as well, slipping it into the napkin.
I once (just the once) went to a classy do and took a spoonful of soup not realising how hot it was. Chaos! Third degree scalding, whilst trying not to spit it out over the table, whilst getting the right glass to pour water into, whilst trying not to choke, whilst dropping the spoon in someone else’s soup (yes, into their soup!) thereby splashing soup onto their tux. Slurring my words to apologise, since my mouth was burnt and having to sit there for another two hours with them all...


Oh No! Poor Joe.

Chopper -The Gork with the Fork

I once ate a bread roll from someone elses plate :0

Chopper said...

J; They really should ban soup as a starter and when you have a beard and have soup, don't get me started on that!

TF; Were you supposed to be in their house at the time?

Kahless said...

Which plate to use for my bread roll - the right or left one? - always does my head in!

Chopper said...

K; On the left. Either that or not the one the person next to you is using!!

nitebyrd said...

I'd say as long as you didn't try to drink the soup directly from the bowl, you did a fine job.

Chopper said...

N; But then I wouldn't have to worry about using the wrong spoon!!