Thursday, 27 November 2008


I'm not good with these things but here's my effort;

7 things I plan to do before I die.

  1. Journey to the centre of the earth.
  2. Wrestle a giant Panda to the death.
  3. Eat a Unicorns heart.
  4. Travel back in time.
  5. Turn lead into gold.
  6. Grow wings.
  7. Invent a machine that will simultaneously implode every silicone implant.

7 things I do now.

  1. Pole dance.
  2. Smuggle diamonds from South Africa.
  3. Act as Paris Hilton's body double.
  4. Train cats to kill people who don't stop at zebra crossings.
  5. Turn lead into silver.
  6. Read minds.
  7. Drive a lorry on the ice road.

7 things I won't do.

  1. Cross pollinate vegetables with dolphins.
  2. Sit in a bath of baked beans.
  3. Spin around in circles for an hour and thirteen minutes.
  4. Learn Mandarin.
  5. Travel on the Titanic.
  6. Walk to Australia.
  7. Eat my toenails.

7 things that attract me in the opposite sex.

  1. A pulse.
  2. Hair.
  3. At least 50% of their limbs are not prosthetic.
  4. Sober(ish)
  5. An ability to dress themselves.
  6. An amiable carer.
  7. A lisp.

7 celebrities I admire.

  1. Holly.
  2. Bridget.
  3. Kendra.
  4. Busty Heart.
  5. Terry Gene Bollea.
  6. Duane Chapman.
  7. Homer J Simpson.

7 favourite foods.

  1. Barbecued Dolphin steaks.
  2. Deep fried kitten.
  3. Black olives stuffed with ground White Rhino horn.
  4. Freshly clubbed baby Seal on a bed of boiled rice.
  5. Sauteed puppy offal.
  6. Shark fin soup.
  7. Chimpanzee sweet and sour ribs.

Well there are a couple of things of the top of my head. I guess if I really thought about it I could find a few more!


Casdok said...

Can we see your pole dance at the book launch?!

DJ Kirkby said... day big man, you'll succumb to the lure of doing as you're TOLD. xo

East Anglian Troy said...

I'm beginning to look forward to your novel.

Trixie said...

You certainly are a nutjob! lol

Caroline said...

Gosh! The 7 things you do now are EXACTLY the same as the 7 things I do now. I am thinking that we might be the same person. x

Joe Stein said...

Help! I’m feeling inadequate.
I don’t think I DO seven things in total anymore.
Although I think I did once fight a giant panda. I mean, I’d had a few drinks, but by the time I’d finished, it had two black eyes, so I think that’s what it was...

Chopper said...

C; If you bring a pole.

DJ; No, no I don't think so.

EAT; The novel is slightly different.

T; That's exactly what my therapist says.

C; I promise I didn't copy your answers.

JS; I've been told that I'm not allowed to fight the bear but have to panda to its every need!

East Anglian Troy said...

Hopefully longer?
More words, fewer numbers?
Black typeface on white background?

Kahless said...

I hope you puke after eating Puppy offal.

DJ Kirkby said...

Kahless, Chopper was joking! were only offended by the reference to 'puppy offal'? This leads me to assume that your comment was only in jest too.

nitebyrd said...

I shall forgive the eating of Unicorn heart and deep fried kitten if you'll teach me to turn lead into gold once you learn. :)

Chopper said...

EAT; If you read it you might not think 'hopefully longer'.

K; I used to get it from a local takeaway but they no longer de liver.

DJ; Joking?

N; I don't eat them both together!

Lady in red said...

K; I used to get it from a local takeaway but they no longer de liver.

is that the one that closed down after you moved to the big city?

why don't you cross polinate vegetables with dolphins are you afraid it might harm their sprouts?

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