Today, as part of my job and not for fun, I had to visit an old peoples home. One of those ones with tiny one bedroom flats and a warden. It wasn't one I'd visited before but when I got there I realised basically they are all the same.
They all have:
- A buzzer for the warden who is never on duty.
- A policy of not letting anyone in the building unless supervised by the warden who is ..............
- A system for numbering the apartments which makes no sense to anyone under 65.
- A trick door that leads you outside before you want to leave.
- An alarm system consisting of red strings and buttons which you can only push/pull in an extreme emergency as this contacts the warden who is..............
- Someone cooking cabbage, this must be part of the lease. When you sign up you are put on the cabbage boiling rota. Failure to comply will mean no fish supper in the common room and confiscation of your bingo crayon.
But this one was different from all the others I've ever seen. Different in a big way! Different because this one had a lime green carpet. A lime green carpet and burgundy coloured banisters! Why? Because they are old so it doesn't matter? Because Peter Stringfellow returned it for a softer shag so they had some spare? Because the decorator was colourblind and he thought it was blue and beige?
Whatever the reason when you are old never, ever buy lime green carpets and paint your walls burgundy it really doesn't go!!