Thursday, 20 September 2007

Old Folks and Lime Green Carpet

Today, as part of my job and not for fun, I had to visit an old peoples home. One of those ones with tiny one bedroom flats and a warden. It wasn't one I'd visited before but when I got there I realised basically they are all the same.

They all have:

  • A buzzer for the warden who is never on duty.

  • A policy of not letting anyone in the building unless supervised by the warden who is ..............

  • A system for numbering the apartments which makes no sense to anyone under 65.

  • A trick door that leads you outside before you want to leave.

  • An alarm system consisting of red strings and buttons which you can only push/pull in an extreme emergency as this contacts the warden who is..............

  • Someone cooking cabbage, this must be part of the lease. When you sign up you are put on the cabbage boiling rota. Failure to comply will mean no fish supper in the common room and confiscation of your bingo crayon.

But this one was different from all the others I've ever seen. Different in a big way! Different because this one had a lime green carpet. A lime green carpet and burgundy coloured banisters! Why? Because they are old so it doesn't matter? Because Peter Stringfellow returned it for a softer shag so they had some spare? Because the decorator was colourblind and he thought it was blue and beige?

Whatever the reason when you are old never, ever buy lime green carpets and paint your walls burgundy it really doesn't go!!


Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...


Sounds like my house, except it's dark green carpet and yellow walls. I guess the owner knew an aussie was going to move in and wanted to me feel at home with the aussie colours or he got the cheapest stuff he could find!

her indoors said...

cant wait to get old and go shopping in me nightie that is tucked in me knickers and wellies on me feet!

Kahless said...

Maybe keeps the residents awake and alert?

Or the lime green may hide any staining from 'accidents'

DJ Kirkby said...

Lol, lol, LOL! Laughed till tears were pouring down my do you think of these things? Me, I just see an old folks home and smell the cabbage and fish, I don't go off thinking about all these other facets.

Pixie said...

Ah so that's the reason you're not coming to the christmas bash you've heard about my decor!

Lady in red said...

at least you were not criticising my scarlet carpets and apple green bannisters

Queen Vixen said...

Poor old Dears. Preserve me from ever having to endure such a fate. It will be pitching over a cliff for me before I ever get to the boiled cabbage and lime green carpet stage. Maybe the green is the after effects of the cabbage boiling. Farmed up near Sellafield or something.

Chopski said...

Vi; Not sure how a country so colour-blind can be so good at sport, especially the ones we invented! Pah!

HI; Don't get me started on that one, all the young people are going to pay big time when I'm old!

K; Dind't see anyone alert so it must be stains!

DJ; Fish smells come from next door and they aren't old but we know why don't we? Might have to expand in the next post!

P; Sussed out!!

L in R; I pressumed you lived in a big red house?

QV; You don't have a choice. There comes a time in your life when you lose all sense of style and fashion and gravitate to these places. Now where the hell did I put my mustard cords and flip flops?!