Thursday, 14 June 2007

Blaaaaaargh, MMMMMMMMM, gurgle

Been busy over the last couple of days so haven't had time to post much.

Last night my second born was over for the night and I spent some time with him. Heather was out at a committee meeting and I watched Big Brother with the boy, even though he has been slagging it of since it started and calling us 'sad' for watching it! He certainly knew a lot of what was going on and who everybody was, I think he's sneaking out of the closet.

Tuesday night was the big night where I got to wear my new suit. There was a few beers, a presentation, a few more beers, a dinner with wine, speeches and then you guessed......
I was a bit (very) nervous when I got there and the first pint didn't touch the sides. Luckily we were called in for the presentation and I didn't have time for another, I needed to pace myself. When I went up for the presentation I was given a book, a pocket sized book, a pocket sized book that I went to put in my suit pocket. My new suit! Standing in front of all these people trying to put a book in my pocket that was still sewn up! I try the other, the same! I then have to make it look like I'm trying to brush out imaginary creases from my jacket pockets hide the book behind me and shuffle off.

Back to the bar, more beer! I don't want more but I need more! I have to give a speech after dinner and in my infinite wisdom have decided I'll learn the speech and not read it from the draft. I'm beginning to worry about my sanity now as I'm never going to remember any of it. For fucks sake, I cant remember if I lock the front door in the mornings and that's by the time I get to the garden gate! I have to sing happy birthday to myself in the mirror when brushing my teeth in the morning so I remember my name!

I try and compose myself and run through the speech in my mind, as if I haven't been doing that all day! I cant remember a fucking thing apart from blaaaaaargh! I'm sure that will go down well!

We go in to dinner and food is served, I'm not hungry at all in fact I feel sick, but eat anyway and try and look relaxed. The guy next to me is talking to me and I'm trying to remember my speech, please shut the fuck up! I nod and smile, it sounds like he is saying MMMMMMMMMM, my speech sounds like blaaaaaargh and my stomach is going gurgle! The waiter is filling my wine glass up every time I empty it, which is a lot! After the pudding I make my excuses and head to the toilet, I eye the door on my way past and urge myself to run, run for the hills, but don't!

I re-take my seat and now it's speech time! I stand up prepared to say Blaaaaaargh, MMMMMMMMM, gurgle but miraculously remember my words, goes down a storm!More beer in the bar and I'm poured into a taxi. Not very good on a school night, esspecially as I have to be up for work at 4.30am!

Oh well at least I had a great time??!!

Found this and thought it might be fun!! Why not have a try?

Your Stripper Song Is

I Touch Myself by The Divinyls

"I don't want anybody else
When I think about you
I touch myself"

A total exhibitionist, you probably already are a stripper!


Delboy's Daughter said...

Teehee... poor you and your pockets. Very funny though.

I'm a Slave 4 U by Britney Spears

"I'm a slave for you. I cannot hold it; I cannot control it.
I'm a slave for you. I won't deny it; I'm not trying to hide it."

You may seem shy, but you can let your wild side out when you want to!

Chopski said...

People (evil, nasty people) often ask me "Hey, tight bastard, are your pockets sewn shut?" and on this occasion if they'd asked me, they'd be right!!

Pixie said...

wonderfully funny... just when you need to look cool... glad the speech went down well.


Kahless said...

Hi chopski
Great story. I hate it when a doctor is examining you and points out that you forgot to remove the price tag from your (new) knickers.

DJ Kirkby said...

I would just like to say congratulations on your publishing contract! Well done to you and your rather filthy mind!