Number 2

I had a bit of an upset stomach this morning, we are guessing it was the pasty I ate yesterday when I was out, but we aren't sure. So, anyway, after a morning sat on the toilet and feeling much better I decide to venture out. I need to buy a new shirt and tie for a function I'm going to in a couple of weeks time. It's pouring with rain and quite chilly but the fresh air does me good or so the saying goes and I drive into town. The traffic's manic, well it is Sunday?!!? I head for a well known department store and find myself looking a suits, I could do with a new one and, when you buy a suit you get a free shirt and tie the sign proclaims. Well I'm not too good at buying clothes and a large expense like a suit really I need Heather for a bit (no, a lot) of advice. She is busy with the little 'un at a birthday party so I decide to go solo! I choose the colour, size of jacket and waist and length of the trousers then march to the changing room. The attendant gives me a huge blue rubber circle with a number 2 on it and shows me to a cubicle. I look at the huge blue circle, number 2! Shit, my stomach feels like it's just fallen three floors, not number 2, not now! I don't get as far as the cubicle, I fling the suit at the attendant who looks at me like I'm crazy, and by now I am, and I run for the exit! Well that's a bit of an exaggeration I'm trying not to draw attention to myself or soil my pants so I clench my butt cheeks, clamp my knees together and run as if I'm one half of a three legged race! I'm certain the whole world and his dog are staring at me as I shuffle through the mall to the toilets. Luckily I make it on time and now I'm home drinking mint tea with a direct route from the computer to the bathroom. I don't think I'll be venturing out again today maybe I'll get my suit tomorrow?!