Dilemma!

Hi,

I've not been on here for a while I never seem to have the time at the moment or if I do I don't have the bloody inclination! Those of you who read DJ Kirkby's blog will know that I've been unwell with a mystery illness, well a mystery to the doctors anyway. I'm not going to bore you all with the details DJ's been keeping up to date with that but just to say it makes me tired and irritable. "Nothing new there then!" I hear from the cheap seats at the back. No, you're probably right but never-the-less I'd like to thank DJ for putting up with me through the grumpiness.

While I've been avoiding Blogging I've been working on a project I started a few (or more) years ago. I had great designs on writing a book, (Motorbikes, ducks and crispy sweet apples.) I had the start, middle and ending which just (just pah!) needed putting down on paper. I wrote 30,000 words or so and didn't like it so I tried changing the characters names, that didn't work. Then I took some bits out added other bits in and changed the names again, this didn't do it for me either! I put it away in the drawer and it was left but not forgotten. DJ kept asking when it would be finished "soon!" I'd lie. Then I had an epiphany (this is probably why my stomach is sore I'm sure you're not supposed to do that with a hosepipe and cold coffee!) and decided though the storyline was sound I was approaching it wrong, so I started again. I've worked on it on and off for the last few months and now the first draft is finished. It still needs a lot of work but its got a start, middle and end though it's short a few thousand words but I think I can sort that.

Now I have my dilemma, what to with it now? I think it's okay and DJ likes it (she may have a bias) so at the moment it's 100% success! Do I hide it away and leave it now the monkey is off my back or do I let other people read it who may think it's crap and bring me to tears? Answers on a postcard please!

I'm off to find my red biro. You all enjoy the weekend

Global Warming?

Last weekend we had a bit of snow! Here's a picture of us getting the car out for work;

Then after a couple of days it was warm enough for me and my mates to spend the afternoon at a car boot sale!

CRAZY!!

Play up Pompey!

This is me today after Pompey played like a pile of crap and still won 1-0 to get a place in the FA cup final on 17th May. All I want now is a ticket, any offers greatly accepted!!!

Sneak Preview

Thought you all might like a sneak preview of my 2008 spring collection!

Birthday Feast!

Nothing better than a pack of Jussipussi...........
followed by cock soup........

and a handful of shito mix.......

washed down with fart juice.....
to make your birthday go with a bang!

Mate Match

My good friend who lives in Australia sent me this which I think is worth sharing with you all.



This got the whole of Perth laughing. Read it and you'll see why! Just
imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this.

The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is
called 'Mate Match'. The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are
married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant
answers 'yes', he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal
questions.


The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner with
(phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same
three questions correctly, they both win the prize.


The Harbour City dropped to its knees with laughter and is possibly the
funniest thing you've heard yet.

Anyway, here's how it all went down:

DJ: 'Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?'


Contestant: (laughing) 'Yes, I have.'


DJ: 'Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if
you win.
What is your name? First only please.'

Contestant: 'Brian.'


DJ: 'Brian, are you married or what?'


Brian: (laughing nervously) 'Yes, I am married.'


DJ: 'Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please.'


Brian: 'Sara.'


DJ: 'Is Sara at work, Brian?'


Brian: 'She is gonna kill me.'


DJ: 'Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?'


Brian: (laughing) 'Yes, she's at work.'


DJ: 'Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?'


Brian: 'About 8 o'clock this morning.'


DJ: 'Atta boy, Brian.'


Brian: (laughing sheepishly) 'Well...'


DJ: 'Question #2 - How long did it last?'


Brian: 'About 10 minutes.'


DJ: 'Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said
that if a trip wasn't at stake.'


Brian: 'Yeah, that trip sure would be nice.'


DJ: 'Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this
morning?


Brian: (laughing hard) 'I, ummm, I, well...'


DJ: 'This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?'


Brian: 'Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us
for couple of weeks...'


DJ: 'Uh huh...'


Brian: '...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time.'


DJ: 'Atta boy, Brian.'


Brian: 'On the kitchen table.'


DJ: 'Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred
times I've done it.
Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's work number and
call her up.

[ 3 minutes of commercials follow. ]


DJ: 'Okay audience; let's call Sarah, shall we?' (Touch
tones.....ringing....)


Clerk: 'Kinkos.'


DJ: 'Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?'


Clerk: 'This is she.'


DJ: 'Sarah, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now and
I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now.'

Sarah: (laughing) 'A couple of hours?'


DJ: 'Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to
give any..answers away or you'll lose.
Sooooooo... do you know the rules of 'Mate Match'?'

Sarah: 'No.'


DJ: 'Good!'


Brian: (laughing)


Sarah: (laughing) 'Brian, what the hell are you up to?'


Brian: (laughing) 'Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be
completely honest.'


DJ: 'Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If
your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to
the Gold Coast for 5 days on us.


Sarah: (laughing) 'Yes.'


DJ: 'Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?'


Sarah: 'Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work.'


DJ: 'What time?'


Sarah: 'Around 8 this morning.'


DJ: 'Very good. Next question. How long did it last?'


Sarah: '12, 15 minutes maybe.'


DJ: 'Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his
manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away
from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?'


Sarah: (laughing) 'Yes.'


DJ: 'Where did you have it?'


Sarah: 'OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that did you?'


Brian: 'Just tell him, honey.'


DJ: 'What is bothering you so much, Sarah?'


Sarah: 'Well...'


DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it?


Sarah: 'Up the arse.....!!'





PS....They had to call an ambulance for the DJ....he thought he was going to have
a heart attack , he could not stop laughing.
Apperently there was an unusually high call out of the Perth Police
just after this conversation , for minor traffic collisions