tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29839612385875401912024-03-05T04:56:20.291+00:00Getting off the couch Coping with a chronic illness Chris Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02022217660977937299noreply@blogger.comBlogger266125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983961238587540191.post-15009313819120058732013-08-09T10:19:00.000+01:002013-08-09T10:19:58.153+01:00OK, who broke the window?<a href="http://www.someecards.com/usercards/nsviewcard/MjAxMy04NTQ0OTAxMjEwNGM5MmU0"><img src="http://static.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/MjAxMy1hODZhMmU0ZmU5ZTRkYTUx.png" alt="someecards.com - Right, the first thing to discuss is who is going to repair the crack in the window!" /></a>Chris Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02022217660977937299noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983961238587540191.post-56306086306967859912013-08-08T12:29:00.000+01:002013-08-08T12:29:11.265+01:00Follow back?<a href="http://www.someecards.com/usercards/viewcard/MjAxMy0wOGFjZGJiYWM3YmQ3NmQz"><img src="http://static.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/MjAxMy0zMmI0OTlmMzljN2U1MzBk.png" alt="someecards.com - Don't get a follow back on Twitter? Don't get even just get bitter!" /></a>Chris Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02022217660977937299noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983961238587540191.post-88591018418964331642012-11-02T16:34:00.001+00:002012-11-30T20:46:47.744+00:00Movember<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"></span></span><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">This year I am taking part in Movember again to raise awareness and, hopefully, some money for prostate cancer. This year Royal Mail have adopted prostate cancer as their charity and will be matching any of the money I raise through November. You can see me here on <a href="http://www.myroyalmail.com/rmtv/rmtv-15-october-2012">Royal Mail TV</a>, who filmed a podcast which explains why raising awareness of prostate cancer is so important to me. You have to fast forward to 2:56:</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I have decided as part of my fund raising I am going to donate 50% of the profit from purchases of my book <a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/E-Maled-ebook/dp/B0096UC3B4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1351873128&sr=8-1"><span id="goog_1428770500"></span>E-Maled<span id="goog_1428770501"></span></a> during the 30 days of November to the Movember charity. As Royal Mail have agreed to match my donation, £1.00 of every sale of the book this month will go directly to the charity.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">If you don't want to buy a copy of my book but would like to donate you can visit my Mo Space <a href="http://www.blogger.com/"><span id="goog_81038997"></span>here</a>.</span></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Day 3</span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUjOaTPzI-6ZFsfS_vweJBAn0QfwgRPH1dirwxrXpGuI8y6rE5qHtA6qNDBmUP2Ss8ny0FW5-vyk4eXenJ-4hkaZbTXrCzrbN0eJv10PgMpR3Lw-pFDmxor9C1SwoE5iVMXOw7GYubSXE7/s1600/Movember+day+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUjOaTPzI-6ZFsfS_vweJBAn0QfwgRPH1dirwxrXpGuI8y6rE5qHtA6qNDBmUP2Ss8ny0FW5-vyk4eXenJ-4hkaZbTXrCzrbN0eJv10PgMpR3Lw-pFDmxor9C1SwoE5iVMXOw7GYubSXE7/s320/Movember+day+3.jpg" width="240" /></a></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Day 4</span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_bIhCrdjkwyhHvbpuIBRqH27a0rHRLjJbE42SZBjhpkjP7rxJnF-rM_xZh0izWRPBxGV0a3V-drxGKfs8WlQRkRzno_Z85DhciRwhRwq15RZes2tnOL_b_lxXy_OY5EHjHJ9d1tNhMoBN/s1600/Movember+day+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_bIhCrdjkwyhHvbpuIBRqH27a0rHRLjJbE42SZBjhpkjP7rxJnF-rM_xZh0izWRPBxGV0a3V-drxGKfs8WlQRkRzno_Z85DhciRwhRwq15RZes2tnOL_b_lxXy_OY5EHjHJ9d1tNhMoBN/s320/Movember+day+2.jpg" width="240" /></a></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Day 5</span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT41FK17N8W8eQ_9pWA_errmtyCxZ90zIkP9JeuXPO-ubfBHAWnXGv6f54z1nscn-fXz-YxCNl7oiA25eAoKLtRb6VgGblSl2Q8K2y7ZWuZiAp5ztjGJvPvrzEc1dmZrUP2Zi2jC186BBj/s1600/Day+5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT41FK17N8W8eQ_9pWA_errmtyCxZ90zIkP9JeuXPO-ubfBHAWnXGv6f54z1nscn-fXz-YxCNl7oiA25eAoKLtRb6VgGblSl2Q8K2y7ZWuZiAp5ztjGJvPvrzEc1dmZrUP2Zi2jC186BBj/s320/Day+5.jpg" width="245" /></a></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Day 6</span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-eAZpbOjH4QgmgjMNfRi9YgnzNpXsfBfNXvetB_qdYx2vIJ3MZsoLwxKOoMVZ9WM4mHFe4RfwSco3ltyCL-XYYRjvEpOwVWaTfZUxe3ZX4cEnbo2k0qwIetZ-HP6I9-OmV0C5wlrpvGcq/s1600/day+6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-eAZpbOjH4QgmgjMNfRi9YgnzNpXsfBfNXvetB_qdYx2vIJ3MZsoLwxKOoMVZ9WM4mHFe4RfwSco3ltyCL-XYYRjvEpOwVWaTfZUxe3ZX4cEnbo2k0qwIetZ-HP6I9-OmV0C5wlrpvGcq/s320/day+6.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Day 7</span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtbm00UryEPiJB_qnjyVKn4UEPXREj8226Ex_C0QrBgFzCpwML-QJlCmlADS6ysxjlHjhoBZSkhb-WiZLUBq0o9DRdHcFA_8FxUuYQERsCRNDoNGcAN17Mt_ShdnMu2VFkPnDAcuAwOchK/s1600/Day+7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtbm00UryEPiJB_qnjyVKn4UEPXREj8226Ex_C0QrBgFzCpwML-QJlCmlADS6ysxjlHjhoBZSkhb-WiZLUBq0o9DRdHcFA_8FxUuYQERsCRNDoNGcAN17Mt_ShdnMu2VFkPnDAcuAwOchK/s320/Day+7.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Day 8</span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwYPDEbq18mn6ZXHcppJAhlp2yE7bszVqwT28EUegkDFxCqyXBJtEXfyo3ERGrEM3KETY1KVBmT6dNnKEcWTIobNvRC9sAJx8NcN_To-DtrwNo6TuBMFaI8y8RGaVUv-05SozltxvresVe/s1600/day+8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwYPDEbq18mn6ZXHcppJAhlp2yE7bszVqwT28EUegkDFxCqyXBJtEXfyo3ERGrEM3KETY1KVBmT6dNnKEcWTIobNvRC9sAJx8NcN_To-DtrwNo6TuBMFaI8y8RGaVUv-05SozltxvresVe/s320/day+8.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Day 9</span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzMC3sR_6-ooajFWLFKrvxcvIBG8o6gtF-OJWWwTNtEs0udg5EM6t7w28hbB9SIYCvzfqwf4vVbcIXdbo7btlgNshgMuowbFiqnr5q5P8eGJhB8pyJQ6CLW-RwwZClO3xbo4BM1To9EYgv/s1600/day+9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzMC3sR_6-ooajFWLFKrvxcvIBG8o6gtF-OJWWwTNtEs0udg5EM6t7w28hbB9SIYCvzfqwf4vVbcIXdbo7btlgNshgMuowbFiqnr5q5P8eGJhB8pyJQ6CLW-RwwZClO3xbo4BM1To9EYgv/s320/day+9.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; font-weight: normal;">Day 10</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitJFTdcSAmHVaY4XsqgieTdgZYYKVSGi9ZAjnMMWtxSXwkO7Yr5QPefErQJ8Dl80qp3WPqTjd32tUoU94hqXjn41ZIgFve0b9l93GZxJ_wyYHXNHjrxuV1PJxjrNmD1E-hHLHaDsLLGvtC/s1600/Day+10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitJFTdcSAmHVaY4XsqgieTdgZYYKVSGi9ZAjnMMWtxSXwkO7Yr5QPefErQJ8Dl80qp3WPqTjd32tUoU94hqXjn41ZIgFve0b9l93GZxJ_wyYHXNHjrxuV1PJxjrNmD1E-hHLHaDsLLGvtC/s320/Day+10.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; font-weight: normal;">Day 11</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimohkUmoP-KZGA9zwf-k_jcpnWQdIDu69cYbqMF38da-igEWZWNrbTk5UIWtcyp_qezo7a3hgz7fpA0yTIEvBmOgjPe_EdV7DjtGhLV4-Kk6FfCBMOqAM7QBP_5OzJum1hiZMyO82GKn2k/s1600/Day+11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimohkUmoP-KZGA9zwf-k_jcpnWQdIDu69cYbqMF38da-igEWZWNrbTk5UIWtcyp_qezo7a3hgz7fpA0yTIEvBmOgjPe_EdV7DjtGhLV4-Kk6FfCBMOqAM7QBP_5OzJum1hiZMyO82GKn2k/s320/Day+11.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; font-weight: normal;">Day 12</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjugxCGmmGyKCf6XWKcma5YZiivJbIgUeW_dbSO_7yguxNxbOeDdlw0wudJ7Vu8N7ztb1APLeunYP472EK6L9_aoKTMdfzKrzsl68t2XeKiK6y_XYFnUIkp3j-GpFw_1qFkyDqcsLkce_6u/s1600/Day+12.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjugxCGmmGyKCf6XWKcma5YZiivJbIgUeW_dbSO_7yguxNxbOeDdlw0wudJ7Vu8N7ztb1APLeunYP472EK6L9_aoKTMdfzKrzsl68t2XeKiK6y_XYFnUIkp3j-GpFw_1qFkyDqcsLkce_6u/s320/Day+12.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; font-weight: normal;">Day 13</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEfKtS5rQatMp4Hbo9E_ywfB4pxvaKgG31Hi8MkJHZK2cimWPCVGGtynbmpjDz-3N31amHNIMGKh-q6kILAbf11FrcpeMQLzIR0lbJEsu-I1O_lSfvYoEA1jXZDNkmJTI8eLNCJekhs8rD/s1600/Day+13.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEfKtS5rQatMp4Hbo9E_ywfB4pxvaKgG31Hi8MkJHZK2cimWPCVGGtynbmpjDz-3N31amHNIMGKh-q6kILAbf11FrcpeMQLzIR0lbJEsu-I1O_lSfvYoEA1jXZDNkmJTI8eLNCJekhs8rD/s320/Day+13.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Day 14</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz6i01LD9PDFf0CyxRJre1Xnnnj5PTtBQWB09bIzJHkI7CBPFGnbSJ2JbfcGN5T1hyz36UT0wYM2YJbjIJDAFeDWQBupYBaTYvftpnMjqdzC0ityp7zz4rqc1wrNyRhzNBQyzva2l8qem1/s1600/Day+14.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz6i01LD9PDFf0CyxRJre1Xnnnj5PTtBQWB09bIzJHkI7CBPFGnbSJ2JbfcGN5T1hyz36UT0wYM2YJbjIJDAFeDWQBupYBaTYvftpnMjqdzC0ityp7zz4rqc1wrNyRhzNBQyzva2l8qem1/s320/Day+14.jpg" width="257" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Day 15</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilL2jwK9iSr3MpB-V93oLw7jnsez96K8z1zl_oF2gkIK8XDzu9Bkgk7ShVK2NE0M2HIq4r-HJnrxd8rMvXuTKChVtUsYRG84165OHfOilm1dp_MsWBRs6tTi5Ip-vRd5OWlODg5a9NT7eP/s1600/Day+15.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilL2jwK9iSr3MpB-V93oLw7jnsez96K8z1zl_oF2gkIK8XDzu9Bkgk7ShVK2NE0M2HIq4r-HJnrxd8rMvXuTKChVtUsYRG84165OHfOilm1dp_MsWBRs6tTi5Ip-vRd5OWlODg5a9NT7eP/s320/Day+15.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Day 16</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHa0BGxG6_Kq96SgXammCKxmzXrFEJCo1PAwJRHuag3WyEU6hZzOt8chK2p2Ge7RL1hjqfajSBjlobaRsQ4R67Z04y2Jhyphenhyphen7NEGb79BzbNn_H1gN9g4Iv4BLy7Wz8GuxaJdWKbWvS_gc7Qn/s1600/Day+16.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHa0BGxG6_Kq96SgXammCKxmzXrFEJCo1PAwJRHuag3WyEU6hZzOt8chK2p2Ge7RL1hjqfajSBjlobaRsQ4R67Z04y2Jhyphenhyphen7NEGb79BzbNn_H1gN9g4Iv4BLy7Wz8GuxaJdWKbWvS_gc7Qn/s320/Day+16.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Day 17</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXRge7nZc_XAyUSbCMkLGx331ykQTcrSV7ga2kMorlssbpEHfSq7Z4IvcRm1gnCA2LmqD3a9EZkiEIXMluhIjVZa2N90UL2qV56q1XHkAUoKVQ7GFLuHFKJK2OwRAuII4p_AhSFVk3JZc1/s1600/Day+17.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXRge7nZc_XAyUSbCMkLGx331ykQTcrSV7ga2kMorlssbpEHfSq7Z4IvcRm1gnCA2LmqD3a9EZkiEIXMluhIjVZa2N90UL2qV56q1XHkAUoKVQ7GFLuHFKJK2OwRAuII4p_AhSFVk3JZc1/s320/Day+17.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Day 18</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV69XAQW8rMz5n9jZEZFc01bSpbU7XSSLec8xZqvONMb1RjmGNcBFSijw7SdoxqvstlUXAXWD4HppnhbDYP0KMpTrFVVTABAUj3f9kHgvQnBhEzzX0CytPCpgB7L3HWsrYUOD5Ycp7AGZh/s1600/day+18.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV69XAQW8rMz5n9jZEZFc01bSpbU7XSSLec8xZqvONMb1RjmGNcBFSijw7SdoxqvstlUXAXWD4HppnhbDYP0KMpTrFVVTABAUj3f9kHgvQnBhEzzX0CytPCpgB7L3HWsrYUOD5Ycp7AGZh/s320/day+18.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Day 19</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTaqCy5aGU0ZmLgIAE7v-9AqPwDCAhTpouEyk1omdPldAZ4CMunbuZ-bxZlEJREg7YawQETdKaovktVel_IybjiZzn8a3snzN2XlMeb20cY2GsfyTXX7gRYqJ384fEXG4QcxoAjjlmj7P1/s1600/day+19.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTaqCy5aGU0ZmLgIAE7v-9AqPwDCAhTpouEyk1omdPldAZ4CMunbuZ-bxZlEJREg7YawQETdKaovktVel_IybjiZzn8a3snzN2XlMeb20cY2GsfyTXX7gRYqJ384fEXG4QcxoAjjlmj7P1/s320/day+19.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Day 20</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2Cs5z-E5ta9aUDhdB9GfzQQsFrnFrG1YzhnAE6KYrZFgI2qgGQDnlKY4ZxaD4tHAVl1gl6-N6s_qLfWUW7hU8UxbrEnNsMxsP9OubdZVdLVuOUccGXhWjX2c6WfhSWAl2tzs-b9l7tnDe/s1600/day+20.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2Cs5z-E5ta9aUDhdB9GfzQQsFrnFrG1YzhnAE6KYrZFgI2qgGQDnlKY4ZxaD4tHAVl1gl6-N6s_qLfWUW7hU8UxbrEnNsMxsP9OubdZVdLVuOUccGXhWjX2c6WfhSWAl2tzs-b9l7tnDe/s320/day+20.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Day 21</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOZzHTmlnwgsql7CSBbfDyVf2CDytXQKlh8H58zEp72zYQrEEXyMaJgQjgBI_5UHBt52ABsbSIz54uD-uJfDAYl4nl4_hEH_OeBcJKmkDTAH7JoH7a1_Kjxg-JlAprMl9b0KTgKlWzAiIJ/s1600/day+21.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOZzHTmlnwgsql7CSBbfDyVf2CDytXQKlh8H58zEp72zYQrEEXyMaJgQjgBI_5UHBt52ABsbSIz54uD-uJfDAYl4nl4_hEH_OeBcJKmkDTAH7JoH7a1_Kjxg-JlAprMl9b0KTgKlWzAiIJ/s320/day+21.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Day 22</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3-L-hDjaI3N2CIw1SQvwPWajud_dvqFDyWIohbnBFLT2r1jU5O23n3Dq_FpZ3SyXPBxx5di3EfvsbBrIS2rdH1jKXnxhdodXRXChPowirmf-1254Bbu3lhQP1AgsWIJoY37VTz6Frxhuk/s1600/Day+22.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3-L-hDjaI3N2CIw1SQvwPWajud_dvqFDyWIohbnBFLT2r1jU5O23n3Dq_FpZ3SyXPBxx5di3EfvsbBrIS2rdH1jKXnxhdodXRXChPowirmf-1254Bbu3lhQP1AgsWIJoY37VTz6Frxhuk/s320/Day+22.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Day 23</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6gb4C04z-fIkv7yalLxIzX581oBEizwW_Xx0KiYVCoUlUtmJk6oKPBZM6Lwv1i7qMsrHCHaPESndJFDll6BaeUNUiiNvU9Pro__DujVixgBoVWA_JAeWc9E-SOYBhj5d5ATNky46IRFag/s1600/Day+23.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6gb4C04z-fIkv7yalLxIzX581oBEizwW_Xx0KiYVCoUlUtmJk6oKPBZM6Lwv1i7qMsrHCHaPESndJFDll6BaeUNUiiNvU9Pro__DujVixgBoVWA_JAeWc9E-SOYBhj5d5ATNky46IRFag/s320/Day+23.jpg" width="230" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Day 29</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhePuUf6weLyuAK173gyNLYrSh-AG3CykJZMjAK3uDPF6ws-Lf2QQqp3YStMf3QObhBq1pjxjqFLrdcsKeFdzsNvIrozX4aypIiimB7tPnW0vs4YSPoghRK5DzJWr95yIOREn85jhhm4SOT/s1600/Day+29.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhePuUf6weLyuAK173gyNLYrSh-AG3CykJZMjAK3uDPF6ws-Lf2QQqp3YStMf3QObhBq1pjxjqFLrdcsKeFdzsNvIrozX4aypIiimB7tPnW0vs4YSPoghRK5DzJWr95yIOREn85jhhm4SOT/s320/Day+29.jpg" width="217" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Day 30</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx9VK2ivjL2BhH__kvG16LJ_gm3qp4AGEYOz9Git2O-Ul_1SqdhTDvitxhrSnLPTT6K0CjpNiCuLqJdGkO6-sLm5-Cer-si2k9RyS77XR2wTV01j_x45ILc5fF18Bd40YEK0z83mHinnf4/s1600/Day+30.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx9VK2ivjL2BhH__kvG16LJ_gm3qp4AGEYOz9Git2O-Ul_1SqdhTDvitxhrSnLPTT6K0CjpNiCuLqJdGkO6-sLm5-Cer-si2k9RyS77XR2wTV01j_x45ILc5fF18Bd40YEK0z83mHinnf4/s320/Day+30.jpg" width="176" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Clean shaven</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV60bzmAVPcS6cjdUexvlx12NW4J1ZbnSUOa-tT2oW-5ImOT_FnkEQFfqEVycxuo9qdmWepbQ5wig__lDvbibiVm5IoyifVnIAcO582QzgvHUBk7SNOjjOq7NjTDBYe_bYF_T2eRV20Uf3/s1600/Tasche+less.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV60bzmAVPcS6cjdUexvlx12NW4J1ZbnSUOa-tT2oW-5ImOT_FnkEQFfqEVycxuo9qdmWepbQ5wig__lDvbibiVm5IoyifVnIAcO582QzgvHUBk7SNOjjOq7NjTDBYe_bYF_T2eRV20Uf3/s320/Tasche+less.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">
</span></span>Chris Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02022217660977937299noreply@blogger.com44tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983961238587540191.post-48311869096077406192012-10-01T16:43:00.001+01:002012-10-01T16:43:26.920+01:00<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Thanks to everyone who entered the draw to win a copy of E-Maled. The winner (chosen at random by a number generator) was Cassandra. Congratulations to you, I will be in touch with your prize.</span>Chris Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02022217660977937299noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983961238587540191.post-75720089071828257022012-09-27T21:22:00.001+01:002012-09-28T14:57:10.544+01:00Blog Fest 2012<h2>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large; font-weight: normal;">I am taking part in Blog Fest 2012.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large; font-weight: normal;">All you need to do is leave a 'pick me' comment for your chance to win a digital copy of E-Maled.</span></div>
</h2>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.ajourneyofbooks.com/2012/08/blogfest-2012-sign-up-now.html" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" height="102" src="http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b257/cinnleigh/BlogFest%202012/f24fbaac.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">If you click <a href="http://cheriereads.blogspot.co.uk/" target="_blank">here</a> you can see another giveaway from Lisa Renee Jones</span>Chris Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02022217660977937299noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983961238587540191.post-72517664543428892762012-09-09T13:27:00.000+01:002012-09-23T14:08:31.591+01:00E-MALED<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<img border="0" src="http://djkirkby.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/ck-emaled-front-amazon-199x300.jpg" /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">My book was published last week and can be found <a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/E-Maled-ebook/dp/B0096UC3B4/ref=sr_1_cc_1?s=aps&ie=UTF8&qid=1347135110&sr=1-1-catcorr" target="_blank">here</a>. To be honest I'm not good with the self-promotion thing so am unlikely to sell many copies. Nevertheless, below is a brief description of the book and if you read it you may just want to give it a go.</span><br />
<br />
Jimmy Gallagher, is a man who has not had a straightforward life. His wife gone, his career as a successful banker in tatters, and a subsequent spell as a HGV driver falling to pieces before he finds his perfect job.<br />
<br />
Now his life is back on track but something is missing, a lady, and this is where his troubles really begin to take shape. Jimmy, being a pragmatic guy frequents a dating site and we join him as he is setting off to meet a friend he makes there, Hannah, and she is definitely not simple. For a start she is married, lives in the States and has a homicidal maniac for a husband. Worse, Jimmy has never flown and in his life nothing is ever as easy as you would expect.<br />
<br />
Even in the darkest parts of Jimmy's tale you, hopefully, find yourself laughing aloud, as he follows a path he is fully aware will lead him to further distress without really understanding why he is doing so.<br />
<br />
So is this a thriller? No, not in the traditional sense.<br />
<br />
Is it a comedy? No, it's not that either.<br />
<br />
I like to think <a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/E-Maled-ebook/dp/B0096UC3B4/ref=sr_1_cc_1?s=aps&ie=UTF8&qid=1347135110&sr=1-1-catcorr" target="_blank">E-MALED</a> takes a fresh approach to a genre that at times can be quite tired, Jimmy Gallagher is an anti-hero that sometimes you may want to slap but eventually grow to love.<br />
<br />
PS if you are in the USA you can find it <a href="http://www.amazon.com/E-Maled-ebook/dp/B0096UC3B4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1347026384&sr=8-1&keywords=E-Maled" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Chris Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02022217660977937299noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983961238587540191.post-59152630283807054692012-03-18T13:06:00.000+00:002012-03-18T13:39:52.661+00:00Reviewing the reviewer?I've noticed recently that a lot of people post negative book reviews online. Some of these aren't just a comment on the book hidden by the anonymity of the Internet but also a verbal attack on the author. I'm really not sure why they do this but it did get me thinking about if they ever reviewed each others reviews. It might go something like...<br />
<br />
<i><u><b>NEVER, EVER AGAIN</b>!!!!</u><br />
<br />
Today I read Dilligaf666's review of My Little Pony the Rainbow Years, a vanity published ebook by 9 year old Abigail Spencer-Brown. I'd not read any of Dilligaf666's reviews before but they have a lot of " thumb down" this is not helpful comments so I thought I'd give them a go.<br />
<br />
I <b><u>WISH</u></b> I hadn't!!!<br />
<br />
It started off well enough with a vitriolic bombardment of the 9 year old's double barrelled name. Unfortunately after that the review went downhill. The spelling was atrocious! Dilligaf666 actually spelled count wrong on two separate occasions and don't get me started on the punctuation. In the second sentence in the thirty third paragraph they used a semicolon instead of a coma. There was also a <u><b>DISTINCT</b> </u>lack of words in underlined bold capitals and a scant amount of exclamation marks!!! How thick is this person? They will give us reviewers a bad name!!!<br />
<br />
After I read this review I came away feeling empty. I felt no real hate for the book or Abigail Double-Bloody-Barrelled and now I may even read the damn book. As for Dilligaf666 I will <b><u>NEVER</u></b> ever read one of their reviews again!!! I implore you not to either. If you do you know I will hunt you down and kill you in your sleep!!!<br />
<br />
A review by Fluffybunnikins99.</i>Chris Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02022217660977937299noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983961238587540191.post-19503307496739513092011-08-26T15:32:00.001+01:002011-08-26T15:37:20.016+01:00My kind of video game.There is a reason why I'm not a prolific video gamer and that is because I'm not very good at them.<br />
<br />
It's nothing new, as far back as space invaders when everyone else was counting shots to get the bonus on the spaceship I was still cowering behind the rock trying to get a shot off. To be honest it hasn't got better with age, my brain knows what it needs to do but there is a difficulty conveying this to my fingers and usually ends up with them mashing all the buttons on the controller. If I play a shoot 'em up with my boys I'm usually just about to lock and load as they kill all my men and capture all my weapons. FIFA is similar while I work out whether to pass or shoot they steal the ball off me and score. To be fair I can't just blame my lack of finger skills as it wasn't that long ago that I pulled a muscle in my leg trying to win in a hurdle race in Kinect Sports and couldn't walk for days. <br />
<br />
So what would be my ideal video game? It would be pitting my wills, one on one in a gladiatorial battle to the death. It would be a game of strategy, skill, finesse and would be played at my pace. I know you are thinking there is no such game but dear reader there is. Last week I went to Gamescom and I found it hidden somewhere between tennis and golf in Kinect Sports Season 2 was DARTS.<br />
<br />
I played darts and loved it, was good at it and never lost a game. Admittedly one game was with the nice Xbox man who probably let me win and the other was against my 8 year old who really wanted to play golf but hey I have a 100% record. I will be the first in the queue when it's released later in the year. When I get it home and step up to the virtual ocky in the immortal words of darts commentating legend Sid Waddell "the atmosphere in here will be like the Colleseum in Rome with Jews on the menu".<br />
<br />
Let's play darts! Chris Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02022217660977937299noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983961238587540191.post-5665443173690574202011-08-19T12:54:00.001+01:002011-08-19T12:57:49.417+01:00I'm not scared of flying part 3Everybody is now watered, fed, toileted and a calm permeates the cabin. It's about now that I try to settle down and watch a movie knowing in my heart it isn't going to happen. My tv never works properly, either the headphones are faulty, the screen freezes or both. If I do ever get the tv to work the only choice of movie that day will be Passenger 57 or Snakes on a Plane. Neither of which will get a viewing so in the end I watch the oversized airplane on the screen showing where we are, how fast we are going and how high up we are. I can sit there and formulate this information into how fast we will hit the ground and about where we will hit if the worst happens. <br />
<br />
Around about the time I think I'm just getting used to this flying thing the pilot,or if he is busy eating caviar from the bellybutton of a stewardess, his second in command announces that we are about to begin the descent. De scent sounds like something you would use to get rid of a smell which I suppose would be apt around about now in my case.<br />
<br />
Descending usually stirs up the hoards and the cabin becomes a hive of activity again. Bags down, up and down again as people search for their belongings so they can escape the plane as soon as it lands. Me, I just pull my belt a little tighter and search out for hands to grab. This is not so easy this time as the recently bruised appendages are usually hidden from view so as not to have the punishment inflicted for a second time. I can generally coax them from their hiding place with confectionary which I have saved especially for this occasion. When the under carriage goes down this scares the crap out of me and my neighbours wish they weren't so bloody greedy as their fingers begin to turn an angry shade of blue.<br />
<br />
Then we are down. I can now return the rosary beads and the lucky rabbits foot I borrowed from the air steward and let go of the hands. It is about now that the captain makes an announcement somewhere on the lines of: "ladies and gentlemen the plane has now landed. Please keep your seatbelt fastened and stay in your seat until the plane has come to a halt. Also please do not turn on your mobile phone until you are in the doors are open. Thank you for..." I never get to hear the last bit of the annoucement as everybody is unbuckling their belt, getting out of their seat and turning on their phone.<br />
<br />
The final part of the plane journey is nearly upon us and this is departing the plane. By the time the plane has halted and the steps are attached most of the passengers have crammed their way into the aisle and are deciding which door will open first and will that be the fastest way to exit. Me I'm still to unbuckle my belt and will probably be the last off the plane.<br />
<br />
That's it all over until the flight home! Chris Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02022217660977937299noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983961238587540191.post-28133289138294482011-08-14T08:18:00.000+01:002011-08-14T08:18:48.578+01:00I'm not scared of flying part 2So the plane reaches it's cruising height far too far from the ground and levels out. To my mind this would be an ideal opportunity to dim the lights, pipe through some whale noises and encourage the passengers to go to sleep. <br />
<br />
But no.<br />
<br />
Instead they decide to bring round the drinks trolley. The rowdy people who have been in the bar for the last 2 hours can now top up their alcohol level and be more rowdy and the hyperactive kids who are already over excited can drink fizzy pop then run around the plane with a sick bag on their head pretending to be a superhero. Just as the cabin crew seem to be losing control the captain decides to regain it and suddenly drops the plane by a couple of hundred feet. The fasten seatbelt sign comes on and people are ushered back in their seats and strapped in. He drops it a couple more times for effect pretending it's turbulence, I dont have to fasten my seatbelt as it's never been unfastened though i do tighten it a bit more. Everyone is strapped in now apart from one idiot who can't wait for the toilet and is arguing with the steward. <br />
<br />
Now would be a good time for the dimming of the lights and music of the whales.<br />
<br />
But no.<br />
<br />
They bring round food.<br />
<br />
I don't have any problem with airplane food, I actualy quite like it but is there any real need for it on a short haul flight? Especially as one of the options is going to be curry and the plane already stinks of feet and farts. Having said that I like eating the food there are a few things that I would like to point out at this stage. The portions are perfect, that is if you come from Lilliput and aren't Gulliver. The meal is always heated to the temperature of molten lava. You get two sachets of pepper and no salt. And then there is the roll. The rolls you get on the plane are unique to airlines. It's always a small but perfectly formed roll with a crust that is impossible to break with your hands so you have to use the plastic knife. After sawing with the knife for the best part of an hour you penetrate the crust to reveal the soft centre onto which you try to spread the butter. The butter is as hard as the centre of the roll is soft and no matter how long you keep it under your armpit it doesn't get any softer. Eventually you get fed up with it, shove it in the roll then chuck it at the idiot in front who has finished his food and drops his chair back in your lap closely followed by everything left on your tray. <br />
<br />
So now when they have cleared away the debris of the meal they dim the lights with a distinct lack of whale music and expect everyone to go to sleep. What everyone wants to do now is use the toilet, two of which are already blocked up and there are queues snaking around the plane. <br />
<br />
I try and avoid the toilet as long as possible, being crammed into the plane is bad enough but being crammed into a tiny box on the plane that is very noisy and stinks is even worse. If anyone reading this has had sex in a airplane toilet can you please let me know in the comment box how and why? I should imagine that you would be quite easy to spot as half your body must get covered in blue stain as you'd never be able go avoid dipping into the toilet water. My big mistake is not using the toilet when I first get on the plane as I presume then it's clean and smells reasonable but due to a small bladder and a touch of IBS this never quite works out. By the time I come to use it the toilet resembles a festival portaloo on the final day which has been turned upside down and shaken vigorously. I usually get in there just after someone with an upset stomach who has obviously read the signs wrong and has filled the toilet up with paper and has tried to shit in the bin and as soon as I shut the door the pilot drops down a couple of hundred feet and the fasten seatbelt sing comes on.<br />
<br />
To be cont...Chris Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02022217660977937299noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983961238587540191.post-70592526516611035202011-08-08T19:23:00.000+01:002011-08-08T19:23:23.143+01:00I'm not scared of flying part 1I'm not scared of flying, it's the crashing and dying in a ball of flames that scares the crap out of me. We are going away next week so now I have to start coming to terms with the fact that I will be crammed into that metal box held together with a few rivets and the sweat of my fear then propelled unceremoniously into space. <br />
<br />
It's not natural.<br />
<br />
Don't get me wrong, I love to travel it's just the getting there that I don't like. It also doesn't like me. Let's forget about the travelling to the airport for the moment or the time at the terminal (great choice of name by the way) and concentrate on the flight.<br />
<br />
Firstly you have to board the plane. Now this would seem a simple task as everybody has a designated seat, the boarding is done in blocks of seat numbers and the plane is not going to leave without you unless you are still in the bar next to the sock shop. So why, when the official looking person behind the boarding desk, starts to make an announcement on the tannoy do half the passengers run towards the gate? The plane won't leave any earlier if you are the first person in your seat, you won't get a sticker but you will be sat down longer than everyone else. That is unless you are one of the annoying twats who won't sit down until the very last moment and everybody else has to squeeze past you.<br />
<br />
Next you have to stow your carry on. Now it can either go by your feet so your stuff is easily accessible and you won't have to get up seventy four times during the flight to get a tissue or a jelly baby. Or you can stow it precariously in the overhead compartment from where it can drip orange juice on my head all journey or fall out and break my toe when I open the door.<br />
<br />
Now that you've found a way to annoy me with your carry on luggage you have to take your seat. Now I'm six feet three inches tall and weigh the wrong side of fifteen stones so fitting into one of those seats is a feat in itself, so being a fat magnet really doesn't help. What is a fat magnet you may be asking. Well as soon as I sit down the biggest, fattest person on the plane will sit directly in front of me then tip his fucking chair back. <br />
<br />
I don't want to tip my chair back because I want to be ready when the plastic mask drops from the ceiling so I can put it on before I help younger children. Then be able to get my life jacket on the right way, know how to inflate it and how to blow the whistle. Also which emergancy exits are the most suitable for me and when I can unbuckle my seat belt. Most of you won't know what the hell I'm talking about now because as the flight attendant is going through his/her talk you are going through the seat compartment looking for boiled sweets or seeing if the duty free whisky you just bought would've been cheaper on the flight. <br />
<br />
Not that I'm paranoid about it crashing but next time you get on the plane have a look at the exterior and see how much gaffer tape they use. Once someone told me that I had more chance of getting a deep vein thrombosis than the plane had of crashing. Great, now I can worry about crashing and/or getting a DVT.<br />
<br />
So now we have stowed our bags, are strapped in the seat, have avoided the safety talk and are ready to take off. I put a boiled sweet in my mouth and grab hold of the hands of the passengers either side of me whether they want to hold hands or not and we taxi up to the runway then stop.<br />
<br />
We always stop. <br />
<br />
I finish my sweet and my hands are all clammy, I can't let go and put another sweet in so I sit and imagine why we have stopped. It's not always good thoughts.<br />
<br />
Then we start again.<br />
<br />
Are we starting because it's safe or because the pilot has a death wish? We start moving faster and I shut my eyes and there is a scream. I'm not really sure it's not me until it goes again and I realise it's the person next to me and I'm crushing their hand. Tough shit! The whole thing is vibrating and the gaffer tape is peeling off the wing and my ears are popping, then we are up. The seatbelt light goes out, the plane is levelling out and I let go of my neighbours.<br />
<br />
To be cont...Chris Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02022217660977937299noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983961238587540191.post-43905705078852668512011-07-10T12:05:00.000+01:002011-07-10T12:05:53.999+01:00Swimming LessonsWednesday is swimming lessons, it lasts for half an hour.<br />
<br />
I take the boy to a local fitness club which has a pool and a shouty instructor. I'm not a member so I have to pay more for the pleasure and am humiliated on entry when I have to give up my car in exchange for the loan of a locker key. The humiliation continues when I have to wear blue plastic overshoes. I know everyone else has to unless they are a bloody hippy and go barefoot but I have size 12 feet so the damn things don't fit and rip every time.<br />
<br />
Then I sit with the mothers. It seems to be mainly mothers with their kids and I think this is because of the heat. It's like a sauna in that place so it suits the mums as women never seem to get hot. I sit there in my shorts and tee-shirt sweating like a pig and the mums pull on another cardigan, wrap a scarf round their neck and turn the heating up. The only reason the blue plastic things on my feet haven’t begun to melt is because they are filling with sweat.<br />
<br />
My phone goes off in my pocket telling me I have a text message. I retrieve my phone and look at it with one eye on the boy swimming so I don't get rebuffed for missing him actually doing what he is told. The lifeguard comes over and asks me to put my phone away "as these devices sometimes have cameras and they aren't allowed by the pool". The boy next to me playing Angry Birds on an iPhone is obviously exempt from this rule as is the mum on the end talking to Michelle about the BBQ on the weekend. Seems like its only sweaty middle aged men with scruffy overshoes who aren't allowed their phone out by the pool. The lifeguard is a young lad and he stands watching me for ages before starting to walk off. I slip my hand into my phone pocket and he stops, turns round and looks at me. I take my hand off my phone and he turns and starts walking so I try again. He stops and turns quicker this time trying to catch me. It's like a crap version of What's the Time Mister Wolf? except that he's lost patience and stands next to me for the rest of the lesson.<br />
<br />
Then it's home time.<br />
<br />
After reading this far you'll probably expect me to like home time but this is the worst part of the experience. The boy goes and has a shower while I sort his clothes and retrieve the locker key so I can get my car back on the way out. He won't get changed in the communal area, he likes to use one of the cubicles so I have to sit out in the changing rooms on my own, fully clothed while men get changed all around me. Thank god the lifeguard doesn't get to see this! Now, if you are getting changed then a changing room is as good a place as any to be in, but when you are just sat there with your clothes, on twiddling your thumbs, it really isn't.<br />
<br />
Men look at me like I'm a weirdo! And, as for me, where am I supposed to look?<br />
<br />
I can't look at them in the eye because they are like "yeah what are you looking at?" and if I look anywhere else they are like "yeah what the fuck are you looking at?". That is apart from the chubby Asian fella who seems to enjoy it and stands very close while drying himself rather too vigorously with a tiny towel. Me pointing at the cubicle and mumbling something about being with the boy in there doesn't help. When I call him and he doesn't answer that helps even less. Looking over the top of the cubicle and trying to open the door from the outside also doesn't go down well.<br />
<br />
Finally I get him out of the cubicle and I let him dry his hair with the dryer for 20 seconds before rushing to the exit. When we are halfway to the car he tell me he can't remember if he has underwear on but refuses to check. I inform him that there is no way we are going back in that changing room until next Wednesday so if he is commando he’ll just have to tough it out until we get home!Chris Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02022217660977937299noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983961238587540191.post-75182335431149412642011-06-25T12:27:00.000+01:002011-06-25T12:27:37.980+01:00Free Brazilian for the over seventies this Christmas.I don't blog as often as I used to and things have changed on Blogger since I was last on here. One thing in particular has caught my attention and that is they now have a stats section which let's you see who has been on your blog and what they have been looking at. I was quite surprised to see that I have been getting regular visits even though I haven't been posting. I was also interested to find out how/why they had ended up on my blog. It appears that the key search words for finding my blog are: sex after seventy, Brazilian wax photos and rude Christmas one-liners. That's why I've named this post free Brazilian for the over seventies this Christmas. There will be people falling over themselves to have a look!Chris Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02022217660977937299noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983961238587540191.post-64422408171151052982010-09-02T15:51:00.003+01:002010-09-02T16:08:21.473+01:00Integrity! Where has it all gone?In March we gutted the downstairs cloakroom, had the walls re-skimmed and a new toilet and basin were fitted.<br /><br />We were very pleased with it.<br /><br />Pleased until now.<br /><br />I had painted the walls blue, a light blue, sorry I can't be more specific without going to the shed to look at the tin. The paint stayed on until quite recently when it started to peel off. I painted it again and this time at the bottom of the wall it didn't dry in the same colour. We now have two tone walls.<br /><br />I invested in a damp meter and we have damp. Not on all the walls just the bits that are darker than the other bits.<br /><br />I phoned the plasterer and he said it was nothing he'd done.<br /><br />I hunted through my stuff and found a warranty for a damp course we had done before we moved in 4 years ago and rang the damp firm. Before I even asked him to come and look at it he told me that the warranties were no longer valid. It was supposed to last 15 years and the firm is still trading but the warranty is no good.<br /><br />We are owed money from another man who keeps promising to pay despite having a CCJ out on him still no sign of the money. This money would pay for the work to be done.<br /><br />I was going to have a long rant about integrity but I can't be bothered, fill in your own blanks...!Chris Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02022217660977937299noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983961238587540191.post-31959501880789410092010-08-27T16:11:00.002+01:002010-08-27T16:15:47.539+01:00Urban DictionaryThe Urban Dictionary definition of Chopski is: the person who always talks about cocaine and says how he has ounces coming out of his ass. <span style="font-style: italic;">"Hey chopski, you got any linears of yablonski?"<br /><br /></span>I would just like to say that person is not me!<span style="font-style: italic;"><br /><br /></span>I wonder what the <a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/">Urban Dictionary</a> says about you?<span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span>Chris Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02022217660977937299noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983961238587540191.post-788668154454151672010-08-24T12:03:00.004+01:002010-08-24T12:34:12.998+01:00Mystery ShopperI have a new sideline.<br /><br />I get paid to do it but it doesn't make me rich or famous. I even get to do it from the comfort of my computer chair though other times I have to go out into the big bad world and do it.<br /><br />I am a mystery shopper!<br /><br />I get paid to buy stuff I want (on the last occasion something I actually needed) and then comment on the service I get. I've worked in retail so I know how shit the job can be but some people don't make it easy for me to say nice things about them. The criteria can be quite strict and this makes it a bit difficult if the member of staff is nice but crap at their job.<br /><br />Then last week I had a reality check and the biter was bitten back!<br /><br />Halfway through the day at work I was <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">approached</span> by a gentleman who got out his ID and showed me he was working undercover for my bosses and needed to check me over. He did all his checks and was happy I was doing the job correctly and to the expected standard. He would have had no qualms to wrap me over the knuckles if I was doing it wrong no matter how nice I was.<br /><br />So, sales/customer service assistants of Great Britain beware you may be serving me in my position of <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">mystery</span> shopper sometime soon!Chris Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02022217660977937299noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983961238587540191.post-17530633106770513642010-07-20T14:10:00.005+01:002010-07-20T15:02:36.125+01:00A-D-D?I'm not sure but I think I have an attention deficit disorder. I see the inside of my brain as a bag of Rowntree Randoms with a compulsive urge to call people monkey face. This is difficult for me as I like things to be tidy and in rows and random doesn't fit in my brain. In the house it's different as I can stack things neatly and can walk away and in most cases come back and they are just how I left them. I say in most cases as I live in a house with two people who have Autism neither of whom have the stacking neatly in rows part! Numbers are important too, I'm not keen on odd numbers. When I wash my hands at work I have to dry them with six sheets of paper towel. I've tried less but it doesn't work and I have to sneak extra ones as if someone is watching me, checking. The stereo/TV volume has to be on an even number, my kids try and wind me up by putting it on an even number but I pretend it doesn't matter then change it when they aren't looking.<br /><br />Bugger!<br /><br />I've been distracted and am talking about my <span><span style="font-size:100%;">obsessive-compulsiveness not my attentionlessness. I spend a lot of time on my own at work, by the nature of the job not because I smell and everyone hates me I must add. I have plenty of time to think and I have great plans during this time, ideas to revolutionise the world or at least a 3 and a half mile radius round my house. My house is number 17 by the way and it isn't a problem that it's an odd number.<br /><br />Note to self: FUCKING CONCENTRATE!!<br /><br />So I have these ideas like the bicycle rickshaws instead of taxis idea I had ages ago, did nothing and now the bloody things are popping up all over the place. The problem with that idea was when I first thought of it it was positioned in my brain next to the monkey butlers and consequently the rickshaws had to be ridden by monkeys dressed in dinner jackets. When I said the idea out loud it had its own merits but was a bit unworkable. I had other ideas like the i-pad but that had Pirate issues and was more of an i-patch and came with a free parrot. "Pieces of eight!" Parrots also have even number issues so are okay in my book! Bluetooth was my idea too but that somehow got mixed up with Hollywood and ended up as a dentist porno!<br /><br />But now I have a new idea! I want to share it with you all and I will as soon as I work out the teething problems and can keep it away from the rubber duck and the plastic saxophone.<br /><br />Watch this space! Well not this space exactly because that would be stupid and would drive you mental after a few hours. I'll tell you when.<br /></span></span>Chris Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02022217660977937299noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983961238587540191.post-7568259833660267732010-07-09T14:53:00.002+01:002010-07-09T15:06:23.342+01:00#3 son is a vampireIt's been a bit of an odd week though to have an odd week in this house is quite usual so does two odds make a normal and if so then we had a normal week which is odd which in turn is quite normal. Mmm I'm confused and have lost my train of thought! I keep telling myself not to write the first thing that comes into my head though who would win out of a giant mullet and killer tortoise might have made more sense.<br />#3 son is a vampire and his vampire friends come round to his room for a secret meeting everyday. Toby is one of them. George might be one too! There is a secret passage into the garden where there is a chest full of money which he used to buy his three screen TV (which has everything on it). He would give me some of his money but it's invisible so quite hard to spend. He doesn't drink blood you know and cant turn into a bat, he's not that type of vampire. Girls aren't allowed in the meetings apart from his mum and Ruby his other mum.<br />I better go and get him from school, he must be hungry though he doesn't seem keen on garlic at the moment!Chris Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02022217660977937299noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983961238587540191.post-57832042023808039352010-07-04T13:48:00.003+01:002010-07-04T13:59:43.179+01:00I need answers!I like to answer the bee questions, it's a bit of fun and you make friends. This saves me from latching on to random strangers in the street and following them home. Sometimes they tell the police I'm not their friend and this can become embarrassing.<br />One thing though, it would be cool if I knew the answer people gave to the bees as I have some questions I would really like the answer to.<br />Here's a couple; when buying a book on the Internet would you rather have free postage or a discount and pay for the postage? If you knew someone selling something you wanted would you buy it from them even if you had to pay slightly more than if you bought it from a large retailer?<br />I have an idea in my head that won't go away and I have hundreds of bloody questions but I will stick with these two for the moment. Anyone who has an opinion please leave a comment.Ta!Chris Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02022217660977937299noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983961238587540191.post-59219109680509278282010-06-28T14:14:00.003+01:002010-06-28T14:36:48.765+01:00New beginingI've freshened up the blog and am going to make a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">conscious</span> effort to blog a little more often that once a year. Note the new widget that <a href="http://www.carolinesmailes.co.uk/">Caroline</a> has had made to promote her new book Like Bees to Honey. You can now follow me on twitter, that is if I sign <a href="http://djkirkby.blogspot.com/">DJ </a>out and don't tweet as her. Widgets and Tweets! Shit I'm getting so bloody technical, next I'll work out how to program the VCR and set the clock on the microwave!Chris Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02022217660977937299noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983961238587540191.post-54858916610084942212009-10-07T15:35:00.002+01:002009-10-07T15:41:28.102+01:00Career choice?I've just seen a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">tradesman's</span> van drive past. He is, according to the sign on the aforesaid van, an expert in wall tie replacement and crack stitching.<br /><br />How do you become a crack <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">stitcher</span>? Why become a crack <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">stitcher</span>? Is there an apprenticeship? Is it something to aspire to?<br /><br />There are so many things I need to know about crack stitching! Please help!Chris Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02022217660977937299noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983961238587540191.post-18934100028516339602009-07-30T12:54:00.002+01:002009-07-30T13:33:29.587+01:00My Shorts!Tomorrow I'm getting married! I've spent most of this week washing and ironing (I know I'm going to screw everything up into a suitcase) everything I'm going need while we are away. Today I was checking through to double check everything for the hundredth time and I noticed my shorts were missing. I have a favourite pair, they are blue, comfortable and have lots of pockets that fasten shut so I don't lose all my stuff the moment I sit down.<br /><br />Where the hell were they?<br /><br />I looked everywhere at least twice and they were nowhere to be found. I knew I'd washed them because I'd put them in with my jeans (I'd learnt my lesson about mixing colours and whites and turning all her underwear grey!).<br /><br />I stood for a while looking out of #3 sons bedroom window contemplating the situation, how was I going to get married without my blue shorts? Then I noticed in the neighbours garden a pair of blue shorts that looked just like mine. I raced downstairs and peered over the fence, they were mine, hallelujah! They must have blown off the washing line and into his garden.<br /><br />I went next door and he wasn't in, bollocks!<br /><br />I could wait for him to come back but sometimes he isn't around for days. The other option was to climb over the fence and get them myself. The problem with this plan is most of the fence is six foot high and not the most solid thing in the world. Part of it though is four foot tall on top of a two foot wall, this is where I would scale it!<br /><br />I stood on the wall and tried to throw my leg over, not a chance! Unperturbed I went to the shed for a step ladder, climbed that then swung my leg over. Success! It was a bit of a stretch but I was over and quickly retrieved my shorts, now to get back. I reached over and lifted the ladder into his garden then scaled it swung my leg over the fence and knocked over the ladder. I wasn't worried about that as I'd be able to snag it with something and get it back. What I was worried about though was my leg that was over the fence couldn't quite reach the wall and my trailing leg couldn't squeeze past the fence post which on the return journey was quite a bit proud of the fence.<br /><br />Fuck I was stuck!!<br /><br />No time to panic because the fence panel was creaking like a bastard and wasn't long for this life and if it broke neither was I. I flung the shorts into the garden then tried to grab my foot and pull it free from the post and at the same time lower myself down. It wouldn't go! So I gave one huge pull and found myself in a pile on the patio and apart from a cut on my knee no irreparable damage.<br /><br />I picked up my shorts, gave them a quick hug and chucked them in the washing machine. The only thing is it's pouring with rain now and I'm never going to get them dry by tomorrow!Chris Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02022217660977937299noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983961238587540191.post-10634116514459705952009-07-16T07:57:00.003+01:002009-07-16T08:35:11.810+01:00Murder Mystery!Oh my, not been on here for a while!<br /><br />This is my account of an after school conversation with #3 son, he or the cat may dispute some of it but on the whole it is how I remember it.<br /><br />Me: Cat get out from under my feet!<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 102);">Cat: Meep!</span><br />Me: #3 son can you take your cat with you to watch TV as she is being a pain?<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 255);">#3 son: Cat! Cat! Cat! Cat! She's not coming!</span><br />Me (wishing I hadn't said the words a soon as they came out of my mouth): If she doesn't move soon I'm going to bop her on the head with this wooden spoon.<br /><br />I brandish said spoon in a provocative manner.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 255);">#3 son: Go on do it, do it!</span><br />Me quickly backing down: No, that wouldn't be a nice thing to do and it might make her cry.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 255);">#3 son: If I hit you on the head with it would you cry?</span><br />Me (foolishly): Nope I'd hit you on the head in return.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 255);">#3 son: Then I'd cut out your heart and cut it in two!</span><br /><br />Now I knew this is where I should stop but something made me carry on.<br /><br />Me: Then you'd spend an awful long time in jail!<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 255);">#3 son: No I wouldn't.</span><br />Me: Well what do you think the police would say about the dead body with no heart and all the blood over the floor?<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 255);">#3 son: They won't find it.</span><br />Me: How's that?<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 255);">#3 son: I'd bury it.</span><br />Me: Where?<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 255);">#3 son: I'd dig a big hole in the garden.</span><br />Me: And the blood?<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 255);">#3 son: Mum will help me clear it up.</span><br /><br />Now, should I be worried that he has this all worked out or should I laugh it off?<br /><br />Me: Well what about your brothers?<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 255);">#3 son: That's okay me and mum will pick them up.</span><br />Me: But what would you tell them about me?<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 255);">#3 son: I'd tell them you were in the graveyard.</span><br />Me: Don't you think they would be upset?<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 255);">#3 son: Well...erm...</span><br /><br />I'm making some progress now...<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 255);">#3 son: I could take your brain out?</span><br />Me: What?<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 255);">#3 son: Instead of cutting your heart in two I could take your brain out!</span><br /><br />Here we go again...<br /><br />Me: How are you going to manage that, haven't you noticed all the bone on my head that protects it?<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 255);">#3 son: I could break it with a mallet.</span><br />Me: A mallet? Do you have a mallet?<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 255);">#3 son: No but I could buy one.</span><br />Me: How much money do you have?<br /><br />I asked this as I knew he didn't have much money in the house about 30p in a small tin.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 255);">#3 son: One million pounds!</span><br />Me: Do you know how much a mallet costs?<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 255);">#3 son: No, how much?</span><br />Me: Probably more than you have in that little tin.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 255);">#3 son: And how much is that?</span><br />Me: About a small bag of sweets worth.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 255);">#3 son: No way! At least five bags of sweets.</span><br /><br />Ah, I think feeling smug myself as I had inadvertently steered him away from the topic of my impending murder.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 255);">#3 son: You know I could always...</span><br /><br />I'm not listening now and start hiding anything that looks remotely sharp and/or knife shaped or anything that looks like a mallet!Chris Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02022217660977937299noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983961238587540191.post-28725440694197772582009-05-27T06:48:00.002+01:002009-05-27T08:28:30.954+01:00Rachel Green<div>Today I'm playing host to <a href="http://www.leatherdyke.co.uk/">Rachel Green</a> and her blog tour and I got to ask her a few questions which are listed below.</div><br /><div><br />An Ungodly Child wasn’t the sort of book I would usually read and was determined not to like it. You have two wives are you mad?<br /><font color="#ff0000">Fair enough! I did have two wyves. Now I have a wife and a husband, sort-of. Yes. I have been certified mad, but not for that.</font> </div><br /><br /><div><br />Sorry I got distracted a bit. Against my better judgement I actually enjoyed the book and would read the next one but... two wives!... Jasfoup? I had real problems with this name and couldn’t get my head or tongue around it would you consider calling him Bob in further instalments?<br /><font color="#ff0000">I’m very glad you liked it despite yourself. Yes…and I love them both. Jasfoup just <i>is</i>. His name is pronounced Jas (as in pass) foup (as in hoop). I thought of Bob but alas the name was already in use by several people who looked nothing like Jasfoup.<br /></font></div><br /><div><br />I tend to use my evaporated milk just the once but how do you feel about reincarnation?<br /><font color="#ff0000">Far too sweet for me, I’m afraid. I’ll stick with Elmlea and Eternity.</font> </div><br /><br /><div><br />I did dabble in the occult for a while. I gave up all my worldly goods and was locked in a room made to perform cunnilingus for hours on end. No sorry that was the ‘o’ cult what are your views on the dark arts?<br /><font color="#ff0000">I dabbled in the occult once but it was full of old prams and bicycles. I did dredge up an old shell, though. The ‘o’ culd held my interest for many years and I’ve been published in some relevant journals about the subject. The Dark Arts I have no views about, other than Why Not Turn The Lights On Then, Do You Really Think A Demon Is Going To Think “Oh Noes! Too Bright To Cause Mayhem Without Shades, Man. Apart from that, I tend to side with Jasfoup in that the ‘dark arts’ are just Christians out for a fast buck. Seriously, though, there’s some dark shit out there.<br /></font></div><br /><br /><div>Is it possible one of the cats in my house puts spells on me and is stopping me from winning the lottery? I can see the bitterness in her eyes!<br /><font color="#ff0000">It is entirely possible, yes. You should feed her only fresh tuna for a year. She might let you win the lottery then, on a day that the colour of the sky matches her eyes.<br /></font></div><br /><br /><div>Do you have any tips on getting rid of slugs?<br /><font color="#ff0000">Concrete the whole garden. Failing that, beer traps and the old lob-the-buggers-over-the-fence method.<br /></font></div><br /><br /><div>I know you enjoy painting, me too...<br /><font color="#cc0000">I’ve never painted you</font><br />...don’t you just hate it when they print the numbers so small you don’t know which colour paint to use?<br /><font color="#ff0000">That’s why I have imps</font><br /></div><br /><br /><div>The two wives thing that’s a joke right?<br /><font color="#ff0000">One makes me tea and the other makes visitors make me tea<br /></font><br />If you’re out on a moonlit night<br />Be careful of them neighborhood strays<br />Of a lady with long black hair<br />Tryin to win you with her feminine ways<br />Crystal ball on the table<br />Showing the future, the past<br />Same cat with them evil eyes<br />You’d better get out of there fast<br />Part of Cliff Richards Devil Woman! Now I think he might be a fallen angel, what do you think?<br /><font color="#ff0000">It rather depends if you’re a fan of his or not. I don’t think he Fell, per-se, just skinned his knees a bit.</font><br /></div><br /><br /><div>Do you intend in finding an interesting way to hurt me?<br /><font color="#ff0000">Only if you can afford my rates, otherwise, I’ll leave the hurting tasks to my agent.</font><br /></div><br /><br /><div>Do you think a leatherdyke is practical to withstand torrential rain?<br /><font color="#ff0000">Only if several women are prepared to stick their fingers into the holes.</font> </div><br /><div> </div><br /><div>And on that note we quickly call it a day!!</div>Chris Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02022217660977937299noreply@blogger.com32tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2983961238587540191.post-6283092189561021552009-05-12T12:52:00.003+01:002009-05-12T12:59:57.392+01:00Meme.I was tasked to do a meme and here it is:<br /><br />My favorite word: Bedtime.<br /><br />My least favorite word: Work.<br /><br />What turns me on? A switch behind my left ear.<br /><br />What turns me off? Same one.<br /><br />What sound do I love? Quiet.<br /><br />What sound do you hate? My alarm clock.<br /><br />What is your favorite curse word? I never, ever curse<br /><br />What profession other than yours would you like to attempt? Anything that ends in merchant or mate eg; plumbers mate or builders merchant.<br /><br />What profession would you not like to do? Postman.<br /><br />If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates? Have you seen St Peter anywhere?Chris Kinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02022217660977937299noreply@blogger.com2