We have Rednecks in our street!

Last night Channel 4 weather said no rain until Thursday.

Wait!

Sorry, I'm getting a bit ahead of myself here because I want someone to blame and Channel 4 will do for a start.

Rewind...

We got an offer from the local water board for a free water butt. We accepted not because it was free and I am (not sure of the right word) frugal (that will do) but because we care for the environment. Discounting the fact it is plastic, burnt a hole in the ozone being fabricated and will never bio-degrade it was a good thing to do. Maybe?

The water board offered to fit it free. We frugally accepted this offer too, though worried about their carbon footprint they gave you a slot and if you weren't in when they called, tough! We weren't in. No worries, there are instructions so I will frugally do it.

I did!

Unfortunately when I sawed off the drainpipe I must have loosened the joint at the top because yesterday I found part of the gutter in the garden.

Get up your ladder I hear you say. I did this also but the thing isn't or I'm not long enough. But never mind because Channel 4 weather said "NO RAIN UNTIL THURSDAY".

Last night I was woken by the "not rain". Instead of the rain gently washing off the roof, quietly running along the gutter, down the drainpipe and silently filling the water butt it poured off the roof and onto the patio like fucking Niagara Falls!

I could hear it. I shut the bathroom window and still could hear it. The neighbours must have heard it.

So what now? I could get it mended or go the whole hog, dump a mattress in the front garden next to the ASDA trolley full of weeds throw a few Christmas lights (Caroline Smailes) at the front of the house and leave them up all year.

We've got Rednecks in our street. Us!

Tagged?

I was supposed to be doing something I was tagged to do today but have been distracted sorry hon but I got the final draft of my cover today and here it is...

I'm really pleased with it and would like to thank Anthony for all his time and effort.

An Explanation?

Okay. The last post was a bit vague so I'll try to explain a bit better here.

I wrote a novel then put it away. I re-wrote it and put it away again. I tried to post excerpts on a blog. Stopped. Re-wrote it again.

Now the book is to be published. Hopefully it will be on sale by Christmas.

Originally I wasn't interested in the cover, the publisher could get on and do all that. Then I changed my mind. I'd come across a couple of pictures I liked and I bought them. I liked the pictures but they didn't fill the criteria the publisher requested and then I realized that they were not fit for purpose. That is until a very nice man called Anthony sorted them out for me. Thanks Anthony!

The front cover isn't finished yet but the back one is....but blogger wont let me download it!!?

Anyway, I hope that makes the last post a little clearer.

Yeah I know it's been a long time!!

Yesterday I purchased two pictures off a site on the Internet. We whiled (is that a real word) many an hour choosing the right ones. The first was a picture of a car driving down an asphalt road with snow covered verges and the other an apple core. We were pleased with the purchases! They were the right dpi (does it sound like I know what I'm talking about?) and I managed to make them exactly the required size. I went to bed happy in the knowledge that everything was looking good.

But....
but....
but, I had a nagging doubt that was still there when I woke and kept me awake!

By lunchtime today all my fears were confirmed. DAMN!

So if anyone is on the lookout for a picture of an apple core or a car on... you know where to come. Only four credits each!

Spoken Word

I've been quite interested in "Spoken Word" lately. A sort of fusion of rap and poetry. I thought I'd have a go and here's my effort, I'm not sure how well it works as "Written Word" does that just make it poetry? Anyway;


JAYNE

I’d seen the young girl many times walking, walking down my street
Pony-tailed hair flip-flops on her feet.
I’d heard other people call her they called her Jayne
She was a pretty one not a plain Jayne, Jayne!

I think she was around 16 or 17
Not as old as 18 but she might have been.
She walked as if she had the whole world on her shoulder
This made her look MAYBE 10 years older!

She always pushed a baby in a dirty old pram
It was well behaved QUIET I never heard it moan
As mummy walked behind smoking and talking on a mobile phone!

Her boyfriend Jeff was a bit of a lad
He was around often don’t know if he was the dad.
JEFF they said was a diamond geezer

But me
I’d seen him tease her squeeze her
He didn’t seem to please her!

She was talking to him now
Talking on the phone
Loudly SHOUTING didn’t care she wasn’t alone!

People watched,
Stopping in the street Jayne didn’t care.
She sighed stubbed out her fag ran her fingers through her hair!
She needed cash money for a fix
Supplement milk and … weetabix.

By her reaction I don’t think she liked what he said
That was when I noticed those bruises on her head!
Grazes and scratches I can’t believe I hadn’t seen
And a gap in her gums where her teeth once had been

She was getting personal now her face turning red
Said some things better left un-said.
She told him
“You make me sick!” and “You’re crap in bed!” and
“You’ve got a little dick” and “I wish you were dead!”

An old fellah told her “Please tone it down!”
“Fuck off!” she said with a scowl and frown.
Two young girls giggled then looked at the floor
I heard a woman whisper “Dirty little whore!”

Jayne hung up the phone and lit another smoke
Then gestured to the crowd with a middle finger poke.
She held her head up high as she pushed away her pram
Determined measured strides like she didn’t give a damn.

They watched her turn the corner forgotten as soon as she’d gone
Unluckily though for her, her life still went on.

I am ill, really I am!! (Or am I?)

Today I had;

1. 2 puffs on my inhaler just in case I get an asthma attack.
2. My painkiller. (It really doesn't work too well!)
3. My tablet that stops me throwing up after I've taken my painkiller.
4. My fibre drink that trys to keep me regular after the painkiller bungs me up.
5. My probiotic drink that the doctor advised me to have and have no idea if it works but don't want to stop taking in case it actually doing any good.

I really have no appitite to eat after all that. My results came back clear and now I have to have more tests!

I'm losing my sanity! AAAAAARGH!

Junk Mail!!

Man, I'm fed up with all the crap I get in the post nowadays!!

Whatever happened to all the junk?