Our Chicken.

I'm trying out a shorter version of the Pissoem. Please let me know what you think and any suggestions welcome.

Our Chicken by Chopski.

There's a chicken in the house who one day
ate a torch and every now and then
she lights up the night an incredible sight
we think she's a battery hen!

Glass

A pissoem for DJ Kirkby.

Glass by Chopski.

When you look out of your window it's quite hard to understand

that the pane of glass you're looking through started off as a grain of sand.

We take the stuff for granted and life without it would be starker

for example your house with no windows now that would be much darker!

Your bottle of wine with no bottle and how would you pour it in a glass

Champagne from a plastic tumbler now that really has no class!

So here's a case to recycle if not you might get spanked

save up all your bottles and make sure they're bottle banked!

Thanks for all your kind comments on the rambling rhymes. Before (if I haven't already) I thought I might try something a little different tomorrow, something shorter!!

Loch Ness Monster.

A pissoem for Her Indoors.

Loch Ness Monster by chopski.

I've come all the way to Urquhart Bay on a very special mission

I'm taking a boat on to the Loch and my aim it ain't a fishin'!

There's a huge monster living in these waters the locals call her Nessie

I aim to catch her with my harpoon gun and this could get quite messy.

My guide this week is Big Jocky who always wears a kilt

the wind was blowing strong this morning and I noticed he's well built!

He says the water is too rough today and a trip would be quite risky

so instead we'll go down to the pub and get drunk on the local whisky!

Spiders

A pissoem for Lady in Red.

Spiders by chopski.

With eight legs they're very quick and sometimes black and hairy
nutters think they're rather cute but me I think they're scary!

Look they say about the web and it's intricate design
but me I say keep them away and then we will be fine.

The Black Widow or Funnel Web can kill you with a nip
so never touch a spider that would be my tip.

I do not like to kill them but if I see one black and red
I'll be stamping on it's back 'till the bloody thing is dead!

Fun!

A pissoem for Kahless.

Fun by Chopski.

Fun is something funny that often makes you laugh

like a little old lady slipping over on the path.

Fun can be a comic or a funny stand up bloke

a toddler saying a swear word or a lame knock knock joke.

Watching a funny movie that can make you smile

or a clown at the circus can get you rolling in the aisle.

Me I plump for sarcasm the lowest form of wit

some people don't like it but I don't give a shit!

Radishes

Prada Pixies pissoem.

Radishes by Chopski.

I am a renowned radish expert and just so that you know

I've won best of class for the last ten years at the local vegetable show!

My bulbs are red and polished, the leaves shiny and green

Last year the expert judge said the best he'd ever seen.

My radishes are organic I grow them in manure

No genetics in my crop of that you can be sure.

Now they may look really lovely and at the show they are a hit

but never ever eat them because they really taste like shit!

Warts

A Pissoem for Vi.

Warts by Chopski.

When I woke up this morning I wasn't happy that I found
Lots of little growths of skin all bobbily and round.

There were warts on my finger, my arm, my chest, my arsehole
one on my nose and a few on my foot near my metatarsal.

They were on my back and on my face I didn't like them much
and I really wasn't crazy about the one upon my crotch.

I went with all my angst to see my mother across the road
She said pull yourself together you're not a human you're a toad!